And a Little Child Shall Lead Him
by nursejenn
Summary: A serious illness that can be life threatening can also be life changing. How can Reid get through this latest trial? WARNING: contains original chararcters as well as team members. Constructive reviews welcome, no flames please.
1. Chapter 1

And a Little Child Shall Lead Him

Chapter 1

"I remember you."

Spencer looked to his right where a young girl with green eyes and curly brown hair sat lookinge up at him. He didn't answer her however because he wasn't sure it been her that had spoken.

"I remember you. I saw you. Before." She tried to clarify for him. When he didn't reply she continued on. "At the store. Do you remember me? I said hi. You said hi back." She finished explaining.

They both sat in chairs about 3 feet apart with their right arms extended, each with a lab technician leaning down in front of them getting ready to draw blood.

Spencer cocked his head slightly and said hesitantly, "Yes. I remember you. You were with you mother at the store buying jello and 7-Up. It was lime jello. Hello again." For a brief second he felt inane with his answer and the situation even seemed surreal as both of them grimaced almost at the same time with the needle stick. Spencer looked back at her after a brief glance down to see blood filling the tube, and a silent exclamation of "hallelujah!" for only needing one poke to get blood.

She girl continued on without even looking down to see if the technician drawing her blood had struck gold.

"Yep." She stated. "I was with Mom. I didn't feel good, but I couldn't stay home alone and I had to go with her. She's out there at the desk filling out papers. Always more paperwork." she sighed sounding much older than her age. Obviously, she had heard that statement several times from an adult who was tired of filling out forms. She shrugged her head toward the door and the waiting room beyond.

"Do you have cancer too?" She asked seriously with a tilt of her head.

He felt his eyes widen slightly and his eyebrows rise and without conscious thought, looked up for help from the technician who was securing a cotton ball with tape over the puncture sight in the crook of his elbow. She looked back at him with the slightest, but kindest smile before turning away and moving to the counter with his tubes of blood.

He slowly turned his head back to the little girl as the other technician finished with taping a cotton ball to her arm. From the corner of his eye he caught a look of surprise changing quickly to curiosity and he realized she was interested hear his answer.

At the short hesitation from him, the wizened child looked calmly into his eyes and stated as a matter of fact, "Yep. You're new at this."

Suddenly they both looked to the doorway as they both heard a sharp, shocked voice say, "Elizabeth Amanda May!" They looked back at each other and the girl shook her head slightly back and forth and said gravely, "When she uses my whole name like that, I know it's not gonna be a good thing."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_**Eleven days ago… **_

_Late in the day on Monday, Spencer sat at his desk just staring at an open file rubbing his eyes tiredly._

"_Reid!" He looked up suddenly as a familiar voice called him back to the present. _

_He looked at Morgan simultaneously realizing that Morgan had spoken his name more than once._

_Moving his hands to the desk he asked "What?" on the end of a sigh._

_Morgan raised his eyebrows and spoke slowly, "I asked, are you working on the Hansen file?"_

_Spencer quickly looked down and looked back up. "No. I don't have it."_

"_Okay." Morgan said and looked back down at his desk and began to shuffle files looking for the one he wanted. Stopping in his search he looked back at Spencer. Spencer could see a quick assessment before he spoke. "Are you okay? You look tired."_

_Spencer frowned slightly before grimacing a little, "Yeah. I actually, kinda feel like I'm coming down with something. I ache a little and the last few days I just feel really tired." At the wary look he received from Morgan he quickly continued, "I mean I don't think I'm contagious or anything. I don't have a cold or anything like that. I just feel drained even though the last couple of weeks have been pretty quiet." _

"_Well," said Morgan, "I bet you need to put that never quiet brain of yours to sleep at the same time as the rest of you." He followed with a disarming smile to contradict the serious statement._

"_Maybe so." Spencer gave a nod and a smile and then looked down at the open file with renewed concentration. At the same time in the back of his mind, he began to consider that maybe he did need to check into things when he finally admitted to himself that he really hadn't been feeling well a lot longer than a few days._

**Preset:**

Spencer recognized the upset figure in the door as the woman from the store the day he had met the young girl, whose name apparently was Elizabeth. Elizabeth was almost a miniature duplicate of the woman except for green eyes versus brown eyes. She didn't look truly angry but Spencer could see she was exasperated as well as embarrassed that her daughter was so blunt with a stranger.

Elizabeth looked at her mother and asked, "Why are you mad Mom? We were just talking. We met him at the store that day I was sick and we got me some lime Jell-O and 7-Up." Without stopping she turned back to Spencer and said, "She doesn't remember meeting you because I was sick and she has a lot going on these days. Hey, what is your name anyway?"

Spencer's eyes darted back and forth between Elizabeth and her mother feeling both overwhelmed and worried that this woman clearly didn't remember him and might even come to the conclusion that he was potentially some kind of pervert preying on little girls in the store when their mothers weren't looking.

He took a fraction of a second to gather himself and compose his expression. He then met the little girl's eyes and spoke, "My name is Spencer Reid. It's nice to meet you both." He then looked at her mother and met her eyes with a quick smile and nod making sure his expression was as pleasant and as non-threatening as possible.

Her mother gave a blink and shook her head as if to start over. "Hi. I'm Eleanor May. I'm sorry about Elizabeth disturbing you. I'm sorry. I don't remember meeting you."

His instincts to include a child in relevant conversation kicked in as he spoke to both Eleanor and Elizabeth, looking between both. "We were in the store on the corner of South 5th Street and Thomas Avenue 17 days ago in the evening at about 7:20. We were both in line, Elizabeth said hi, and I said hi back. You were preoccupied for a moment looking for your debit card."

"Oh." said Eleanor as she searched her memory but clearly came up blank. Her expression changed to one of questioning. "17 days ago at 7:20 in the evening? Well, um, Spencer is it? Have a nice day." Not able to find anything else to add to the conversation which was becoming more awkward, she gave Spenser a polite but contrived smile and then addressed her daughter, "Elizabeth, let's get going. We have a lot to do today and I'm sure there are other people in line to get their blood drawn."

Elizabeth stood up with a put upon sigh and spoke to Spencer, "I guess I have to go. Will you be okay?"

His heart seemed to skip a beat as he replied, "Yes, I will. I'd better get going too. Bye Elizabeth."

As Elizabeth turned and walked to her mother, she looked over her shoulder and said, "Bye Spencer. My name is Elizabeth but I go by Bittsy. Mom's just frustrated with me right now. I can be a handful." She added a small wave to the lab technicians and a cheerful, "Bye guys. Behave!" took her mom's hand and continued walking to the waiting room.

Eleanor gave Spencer a small shrug and a smile that was more of a grimace as her daughter led her out of the room.

The lab technician met his eyes, and all he could say was, "Wow."

Both technicians looked at each other, smiled, and looked back at him. The woman who had drawn his blood chuckled as she said, "You have no idea." Spencer chuckled mainly to himself, stood, smiled, and gave his own small wave, turned and left, but with a warmth inside that hadn't been there for 11 days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The day seemed endless and Spencer was exhausted as he completed errand after errand, completed paperwork and finally sat down in a coffee shop for a caffeine fix before the last errand. His cell rang and he answered, recognizing the number immediately.

"Reid." He spoke out of habit.

"Hello Dr. Reid, It's Janice. Things look good. Are you ready for tomorrow?" The voice on the other end of the line was friendly but not falsely cheerful.

"As ready as I'll ever be. Do I need to be there any earlier than 8:00?" He asked.

"No. 8:00 is fine. That gives us plenty of time to get up and running by 8:30. Anything else I can answer or do to help?" She asked.

"No. I think I've got it. I'll be there at 8:00. Bye." He wondered if his voice was really an octave higher as he hung up and hit speed dial to leave a message. "Hotch, it's Reid. Everything's a go for tomorrow so I plan to be at work at least by next Monday. Call me if there's anything you need to know that I forgot to tell you. Thanks." With that completed he got up, threw away his cup and left to finish his last errand before heading to the apartment to start chores there.

He deliberately kept his mind and body busy until he crawled in bed early that evening, satisfied that he had things organized and ready for the next week. As he lay there, his mind drifted back to 11 days ago as he sat in his doctor's office when his world began to turn upside down.

_**10 days ago:**_

_It was Tuesday morning and he sat on the exam table waiting in his pants and dress shirt, his sweater and tie on the nearby chair. When the nurse had checked his pulse, blood pressure, and temperature, he was surprised that his temperature was 100 degrees and that he'd lost 15 pounds. His mind began to reason that maybe he did have a simple low-grade virus. Moreover, maybe the stress of the job, too much traveling and crazy hours contributed to the weight loss. He decided not to focus on the fact that a few weeks ago he had needed to notch his belt up only to repeat the action recently._

_There was a knock on the door and a stocky, friendly man in a polo shirt with a stethoscope walked in reading his chart and saying hello at the same time. He knew his physician, Dr. Hogan well. He'd been his doctor since he'd moved to Quantico and started working for the Bureau. _

"_Hey Dr. Reid. How's the FBI treating you?" He asked extending his hand. Spencer returned the firm handshake and the greeting as well._

"_Not bad. How've you been?"_

_Dr. Hogan smiled and pulled out a stool to sit on. "Not old enough or married long enough to take Fridays off, otherwise pretty good. So, I see that you've got a fever and you've dropped a bit of weight since you were here for your physical a little over 3 months ago. Tell me what's going on."_

_Spencer looked down at the floor took a breath and let it out as he raised his head and began._

"_I haven't been feeling well for a while. I kind of ache all over, my head aches, and I'm really tired. But, not just from working a lot of hours. I'm beat when I get up in the morning. I don't even feel like going to work. The aching isn't awful but it doesn't seem to really go completely away."_

"_Wow. That's unusual for you. In fact, I rarely see you except for your mandatory physical. Let's check you out." With that statement, the doctor stood up. "Okay, would you unbutton your shirt for me?"_

_As he un-tucked and began to unbutton his shirt, The doctor began to touch his neck, gently touching starting under his jaw and back to below his ears and working his way down both sides of his neck to his collar bone. Just above his collarbone, at the base of his neck, he stopped and repeated feeling the area, working his way around to both the back and front of his neck._

_After warming the stethoscope in his hands, he listened to Spencer's heart and lungs. "How long have you had the fever?" He asked looking back up._

"_I don't really know," he answered and expounded, "I've been feeling hot and cold some nights, but I know fevers are cyclical, often higher in the evening and tend to hang around until a virus runs its course. I know antibiotics are ineffective treating a virus and usually rest and treating the symptoms are the way to go, so I've been taking ibuprofen."_

_The doctor hung his stethoscope back around his neck. "You do have some swollen lymph glands at the base of your neck. Have you noticed those? " _

"_No." He said and reached up to feel them himself while frowning. _

"_Spencer, lay back for me." The doctor said as he pulled out the extension at the end out the exam table. When he was laying all the way down, the doctor began to methodically palpate his abdomen and ask more questions. "So nausea, vomiting, changes in your appetite? Diarrhea or problems urinating?" _

_Recalling as he spoke, "Some nausea. I've had the pleasure of puking a few times when we're flying and I'm not very hungry lately. Nothing else noteworthy in the digestive or urinary systems."_

"_Anything else you can think of? Sore throat, a cough, shortness of breath, swelling in the legs or feet? Visual changes, dizziness, how often and how severe are the headaches?" He asked as he sat down again and picked up Spencer's chart looking through it as he was asking the questions._

"_Just really, really tired and the headaches aren't severe with the ibuprofen, but they seem to come back by the time I can take more." _

_He contemplated, trying to think of anything else. His eyes narrowed as he realized something he had tried not to put much thought into, he'd tried to play down and blame on his lack of agility skills. The problem with reasoning with yourself to avoid truths that would lead you to a doctor to discuss that something might be wrong was that, the truth that you've been avoiding doesn't really leave. It stays hidden where you filed it in your brain for future analysis. _

_Something Spencer knew about himself and finally accepted was that in terms of physical fitness, agility and endurance, he had come a long way. Was he an athlete? No. That was Derek. Probably everyone else he worked with as well, but Derek was the door kicker, and tackler of the group of profilers. _

_Clearing his throat, which was suddenly dry, he admitted to himself and the doctor, "I guess I've been ignoring it, but I have been short of breath during my cardio workout and when we're moving quickly or chasing a suspect. I've been faithfully working out for the last 6 years and now it feels like it's an exhausting chore. Like I've moved backwards with my endurance. Probably over the last month it doesn't take long into my workout that I feel short of breath. I've cut back my workout time by 15 minutes because I just can't do the whole routine."_

_While Spencer was elaborating, Dr. Hogan looked up from the chart. He seemed to pause and concentrate, perhaps organize his thoughts before he asked the next questions. "Are you sleeping well? Nightmares?" _

"_No nightmares, just wake up sweating when the fever breaks." _

_He was looking at Spencer intently and he could tell Hogan was thinking, trying to fit pieces of a puzzle together and he could tell when the doctor had completed his thought process. _

_For some reason his next statement didn't surprise Spencer, but his mind suddenly stopped and quieted, all the background chatter ceasing._

"_Spencer, I want to make an appointment for you with a colleague of mine. He's an oncologist and I've known him for years. Your symptoms concern me and I think we should consider the possibility of Lymphoma. I do want to get some blood work today and look at the results because we could be looking at an infection causing the lymph node enlargement. However, I want to pursue this and make an accurate diagnosis. I don't want to miss a serious possibility. Do you understand and do you agree to proceed?" He stopped and waited for Spencer to speak._

_In the silence Spencer heard himself answer. "Yes." _


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for all those who have taken the time to review this story. I enjoy writing it and intend to update it 2-3x per week, so thank you all.

I think I forgot to preface this fic with the disclaimer of owning no one or any rights whatsoever of Criminal Minds. I will take credit for Bittsy even though she is quite the handful…NurseJenn

_Previously from Chapter 3_

"_Spencer, I want to make an appointment for you with a colleague of mine. He's an oncologist and I've known him for years. Your symptoms concern me and I think we should consider the possibility of Lymphoma. I do want to get some blood work today and look at the results because we could be looking at an infection causing the lymph node enlargement. However, I want to pursue this and make an accurate diagnosis. I don't want to miss a serious possibility. Do you understand and do you agree to proceed?" He stopped and waited for Spencer to speak._

_In the silence he heard himself answer. "Yes." _

**Chapter 4**

**Present**

Hearing himself say yes seemed like an echo in his head before his mind brought him back to the present. In the silence of the night, he let his mind wander and his thoughts returned to yesterday, back to Bittsy and her serious face as she told him, "You're new at this."

"You're new at this." The only reply he could think of then and now was not an answer but a myriad of questions. "How could you tell? Did you know because you have cancer too? What kind? Are you better? Have you had chemo? What's it like? Did you get sick? Will I get sick? Do I look scared? And the scariest questions of all, "Will we live?" and, "If the treatments aren't working, will they tell us the truth?"

Surprisingly it wasn't the biggest, scariest questions that passed through his mind right before he drifted into a troubled sleep. It was, "Do I look sacred? Does anyone know how scared I am? Do they know my life is spinning out of control? Can they see that I'm standing on the side of a cliff and all the facts and statistics I know can't save me? Will anyone see that I want someone? Someone to pull me away from the edge. Someone hold my hand and have hope_ for_ me, and share hope _with_ me. Does anyone see me? Please somebody see me…"

It felt as though he had just fallen asleep when the alarm went off. He had given himself plenty of time to get ready and although he felt metaphorically, "like something the cat dragged in", he got up and began to get ready. He tried not to run through all the information about Hodgkin's Lymphoma that he had gathered since his diagnosis, but it seemed his brain was determined to run through statistics, treatment options, disease and treatment symptoms and the information seemed like a recording stuck in a loop. He truly believed that it was best to begin treatment without bias of the different side effects possible. He knew that attitude affected the entire experience and influenced the success of the treatment and his fight against his cancer. He was getting ready to fight to survive.

He stood at the counter eyeing his coffee maker, his mind listing his breakfast options and combinations the same as any other day, but a nagging worry clouded his computations. What if he was nauseated after his chemotherapy? Should he wait and see how he tolerated treatment before he ate? Should he eat a light breakfast?

The questions continued on and on. Not a moment of peace, just fear and loneliness. He knew his friends from work would come to his side in a heartbeat; he had only to ask. However, therein lay the crux of the problem. He was alone because he told everyone who knew his situation that he was "doing fine, and statistics showed that a positive attitude was also very important and he was going to keep a positive attitude," and "cancer treatments had advanced and improved dramatically from the way they were portrayed in movies and such". He convinced everyone that he would be fine and he didn't want them to baby him.

So, now he was preparing to face a beast with his intelligence and no backup. Not for the first time in recent days, he closed his eyes and muttered to himself, "For a smart guy, you sure are stupid."

Then the emotions took over again. Why couldn't his coworkers, aka his family, discern he was scared, that he wasn't sure how to ask for comfort? That he wasn't comfortable enough to ask for support in the form of physical presence. Why didn't anyone shut him up and call him on his pleasant platitudes that he was doing okay and actually glad to know what was wrong so that he could move forward and treat the problem? He worked with FBI profilers. Couldn't they read that he was terrified? More terrified of this, of cancer, of treatment, of the unknowns than facing any criminal he'd ever encountered. Couldn't they see or were they scared too? He was supposed to be the genius so why was it so hard to ask for help? How had he convinced them when he couldn't convince himself? And why was he blaming them?

He knew he wasn't comfortable with strong emotions unless they were the "good ones". Emotions like fear, anger, hate, jealousy and a multitude of others that when allowed to rule, to cross boundaries, became the precursors to crime, violence, ruined relationships and ultimately isolation. And he couldn't afford that. He had all the aloneness he could take thank-you very much.

Shaking himself out of his mental arguing he decided that maybe toast and juice would be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello all! Don't worry, the team is a coming! Couple more chapters… I can't stop them from being involved if I tried!

**Chapter 5**

He arrived at the doctor's office, which was also set up for chemotherapy treatments. He was the first one there when they unlocked the door. After the secretary opened the door and greeted him, they walked across the lobby area to the desk and she slid behind her computer, entered his name and looked up at him. With a calm and gentle smile she said,

"It looks like you have all your paperwork and insurance in order, so if you'd like to have a seat I'll let Janice know you're here and she'll be out to get you as soon as they're ready. By the way, do you prefer to go by Dr. Reid or Spencer?"

He only hesitated a second before answering. "Please call me Spencer."

"My name is Natalie, but everyone calls me Natty. If you need anything at all, please ask. When the clinic opens up in the morning, I'm the receptionist, and after 4pm until we close, Rose will be here. She'll be the one with very red hair, very loud jewelry and the kindest heart you'll ever meet. I call her our 'wild child'. She's great."

Instantly Garcia's infectious smile and loud fashion choices came to mind and Spencer smiled and chuckled. "I know someone that sounds just like her. Her name is Penelope. She's the best Technical Analyst in the Bureau, and she tried to tone down her appearance once and it just didn't work for her. I'm glad it didn't. She makes everything brighter wherever she goes."

"They sound like twins separated at birth." Natty said with a warm smile.

Just then, Janice opened a door in the waiting area and waved at Spencer. He looked back at Natty and despite the information, possibilities and statistics of twins separated at birth; he said the most important thing that came to mind. "I'm glad we got Penelope." With that, he smiled the first real smile in what felt like days, and followed Janice through the door to begin his first round fighting his new foe.

As he sat down in the recliner that he Janice called the chemo train, Janice explained what would become his future for the next 4 to 6 months. She took his blood pressure, pulse, and temperature and started an IV in his arm. One of his predominate thoughts was that he was glad that he had good veins. When all preparations were completed, she continued to explain what she was doing as she began to inject the different drugs. Drugs with names like Adriamycin, Bleomycin, Vincristine and Dacarbazine; the cocktail known as ABVD. Medications like Zofran to avoid nausea. He had kept his research to a minimum intentionally, the profiler in him telling him to avoid bias, to avoid preconceptions in order to allow the treatments to progress without experiencing every side effect just because he'd read about it. He continued to look back and forth between her and his IV just as she was doing as she injected a Kool-Aid red colored drug slowly through his IV. His Adriamycin and Bleomycin would be given IV push and the Vicristine and Dancarbazine would be given as an infusion. He couldn't stop watching Janice giving the medicine until a familiar voice in the next chair over caught his attention.

He looked over to familiar brown curls and into piercing green eyes.

"Hey Spence." Said Bittsy in a cheery, young voice.

"Uh, hi Bittsy." He stammered slightly. "Are you here for chemo too?"

"Yep! I'm here for my first round today. As long as all my blood counts stay good, I'll have six rounds this time." She stated in a very matter-of-fact manner.

"This time?" asked Spencer

"I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma stage 3. I came out of remission 2 months ago. I just finished radiation treatments. So, what's your 'big C'?" She asked making quotation marks in the air.

Spencer, still somewhat taken aback by her revelation and her bluntness, blinked a couple of times while gathering his answer.

"I have Hodgkin's stage 2." He said, "This is my first round of chemo." He added.

"Well," Bittsy smiled, "I guess we're not here for the ambulance then."

"Bittsy, I believe the word you're looking for is ambiance which means the general setting and view." Said the nurse taking care of Bittsy. She also greeted Spencer and introduced herself as Jennifer.

"Okay, Jennifer. I got that one wrong, but from now on I'll get it right!" She laughed.

And unexpectedly Spencer found himself smiling and again a small measure of warmth in his chest. If this little girl could smile and laugh during chemo, maybe he could relax a little himself; anything to make this constant uncertainty less dominating.

Since the moment that he felt the bite of the needle in his neck, through the tests that followed: the bone marrow biopsy from the back of his hip, the PET scan to look for any "hot spots" of the cancer hiding in his body, the multiple discussions with what felt like a small SWAT team of medical personnel, and "THE FINAL OPTIONS" discussion with his oncologist, Dr. Kim, his world had become indoctrinated with medical terminology and his chest always felt clenched and tight. Because it was absolutely real. Lymph nodes involved in his neck and chest. If chemo wasn't enough, he was looking at radiation therapy as well.

At first he was surrounded by people, friends that flocked to his side offering any and all support a person could need or want to the point of overwhelming, medical personnel explaining things, setting up appointments, dealing with details he hadn't even thought of. Despite all of that he felt alone, removed and even panicked. He felt as if he was juggling glass balls, and one misstep, even a small stumble and he and the entire set of balls would crash to the ground. And he wondered; did all cancer patients feel like this, and would he ever feel joy or laugh. But, again, like the first time he really met Bittsy, that time over a week ago when he had his blood drawn, the warmth inside seemed to take root. He realized the situation was beyond his ability to fix with knowledge and he could either spend this unexpected journey wound up tighter than a drum or let go of his need to control everything down to the smallest detail and learn something. Learn about himself and learn about life from the little powerhouse in the recliner next to him.


	6. Chapter 6

For all those wondered what the team has been up to…

**Chapter 6**

"I wonder how it's going?" Emily spoke to Morgan who had come to perch on the edge of her desk under the guise of talking about the case in Illinois.

"He's doing fine." He answered despite the ruse.

"How can you be so sure?" Emily asked him.

"But, what if he's not? I mean I know he told us a million times he was gonna be fine and he didn't think it would take long and he'd be okay by himself and there were lots of people around and he didn't know if there were extra chairs yada, yada, yada…do you really believe that crap?" Garcia said inserting herself into the group.

"I think he wants to face this first treatment by himself to show _himself_ that he's strong enough to face this." Rossi spoke as he joined them

"Well, I believe that he's in the place where people can take care of him. He's where he needs to be and he wouldn't want us profiling him. Are we all set to go in 3 hours or is there other work to be done?" Hotch spoke from behind them.

The every one with the exception of Hotch seemed to give a collective sigh before heading towards their respective areas, each wanting to believe that the others and Spencer were right.

He opened the door and stepped in to the doctor's office. He strode up to the desk and waited for the receptionist to finish with the person there ahead of him.

"Yes, canI help you?" The receptionist asked him as the other person left.

"I'd like to see Dr. Reid if he is up to a visitor." He said.

"I'll check with him right now." She said.

Picking up the phone she dialed an extension and someone must have answered right away, because she began speaking.

"Janice? There is gentleman up here who is a friend of Spencer's and wonder's if he could come back to see him." After a short pause she said to him, "Spencer said anyone was welcome back to see him. Let me take you to him."

Natalie got up from behind the desk and took him around to the door with a sign that directed all to check with the receptionist before going in. She walked him through a row of patients in recliners and at the next to the last chair was Spencer and next to him was a child with curly brown hair and a woman who appeared to be her mother.

Natalie stopped at Spencer's recliner where Spencer, the young child and the woman were looking at him and Spencer's face held a mild expression of surprise.

"Hotch."


	7. Chapter 7

The overwhelming questions have been, where is the team and how did they take the news? I promised they were coming so here's some more Hotch at this time

**Last chapter:**

Natalie got up from behind the desk and took him around to the door with a sign that directed all persons to check with staff before entering. She walked him through a row of patients in recliners and at the next to the last chair was Spencer and next to him was a child with curly brown hair and a woman who appeared to be her mother. Spencer appeared to be teasing the girl.

Natalie stopped at Spencer's recliner where Spencer, the young child and the woman were looking at them and Spencer's face was a mild expression of surprise.

"Hotch."

**Chapter 7**

Spencer then looked toward Bittsy and Eleanor and began to speak, "Bittsy, I'd like you to meet Agent Hotchner. He's in charge of my team". He turned back to Hotch.

Hotch, I'd like you to meet my new friends Bittsy and her mother Eleanor."

"I'm pleased to meet you both." Hotch said with a smile. "Please, call me Aaron."

Spencer raised his left eyebrow as Hotch looked at him.

"You still get to call me Hotch." He told Spencer with the same smile.

"Well Hotch, welcome to what Janice, my nurse, calls the Chemo Train. You know, I remember when it felt like things were happening so fast and now it seems like so long ago that I told you." Spencer could tell that Hotch was thinking back to that Sunday...and his mind drifted there also.

_**Flashback:**_

_Spencer had taken a week off. The team had left in the middle of the week for Boise Idaho for a strangler case, but Spencer had come to him and told him that he needed the time off for personal reasons. Hotch had discerned by his demeanor that it was a personal, as well as a difficult subject. Recalling the recent time off for an appointment on Tuesday left Hotch with an uneasy feeling in his gut, especially since he had noted that Spencer seemed "off".  
><em>

_Early evening on Sunday when they had arrived back at the Bureau and saw Spencer sitting, waiting in Hotch's office, he knew._

_He would always remember that although he felt a huge burden of concern and devastation, the one thing he had not felt was surprise. _

_When his dad had finally admitted to him that he had terminal lung cancer, oddly that time Hotch felt relief, but again, not surprise. He'd tailed him and knew that this time his father wasn't having an affair. Their relationship had been odd and strained for several years because he was angered by the injustices his mother had endured. Oddly though, his father's cancer brought improvement to their relationship and when his dad died he felt sadness, pain and loss. And now a ghost of that sadness, pain and loss drifted through his soul before he could stop it. Without looking toward the others he went up to his office and closed the door and the blinds for privacy. Hotch sat down behind the desk._

_Spencer didn't avoid the topic; there was no hesitation as he began to speak._

"_Hotch, I have cancer. I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 2. It's in my neck and chest lymph nodes. They want to check my blood work this Wednesday and start chemotherapy on Thursday. If it's possible, I want to work as much as I can, but I have no idea how I'll feel after treatments. I hope I don't have many side effects but I just don't know, and I'm sorry for all the hassle this will create and I wasn't trying to hide it from anyone, but for some reason I thought if I told the team what might be wrong with me, it would come true. Hotch I'm really sorry to put you on the spot and…"_

_And then Hotch's "step up to the plate personality" kicked in and he interrupted._

"_Spencer, there's nothing to apologize for. I knew something was going on and somehow I knew when you asked for time off, something serious could be wrong. Don't worry about work, we'll always need you when you're up to being here and, I'll see what needs to be taken care of as far as management is concerned. How else can I help? I want to help any way I can."_

_A look of relief passed across Spencer's face and even his body seemed to relax a little._

"_I'm okay Hotch; I don't feel any worse than I have been, just achy and really tired. It just seems like everything is happening so fast. My chances for a long term cure are very good and I'm not reading all the data. I just want to get through this and I don't want to bias the experience by knowing everything there is to know, if that makes any sense."_

"_I think I understand and maybe that's the best idea right now." Hotch said._

"_I know I'll be okay. I'm keeping a positive attitude. They say that can affect how well you tolerate treatments and even the outcome. I'm actually sort of glad to know what's going on and get going on treating it." _

_Spencer spoke this last bit quickly and Hotch also knew it was to convince himself, not Hotch._

"_Have you spoken to your mother and father?" Hotch asked as neutrally as possible knowing that this was a private subject._

"_Yes, I spoke to my mom and her doctor. I'll try to visit between therapy sessions for a couple of days. I know she needs to see me to know I'm okay. I did tell my dad and he offered to fly out here, but I'm not so sure about that one. I need to concentrate on getting through this, not mending fences like I'm going to die." Spencer answered candidly._

"_How do you want to deal with the team?" Hotch approached this with a hope that was quickly dashed when Spencer answered._

"_Can you tell them? I just don't think I can do this today. I feel like the world is spinning and it's too hard tonight and they all know I'm here. I know I can't put it off, but I just don't think I can do it. I know I'm asking a lot but that is one thing that would really help me." Spencer finished._

"_Yes, I'll do this for you, but you have to field all the calls and deal with Garcia." With this both Hotch and Spencer stood up._

"_Okay. Deal" He said with a very small half smile, and Hotch could tell Spencer wasn't sure if he should shake Hotch's hand to seal the pact or not, so Hotch reached out his hand and when Spencer shook his hand Hotch said "Deal."_

"_Just promise you'll tell them that I'm fine and I'm not gonna die from this. Okay?"_

"_I will. Make your escape when everyone is in the briefing room. Call me if you need anything at all and let me know if anything changes. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow and schedule you off at least Wednesday through Friday, alright?" Hotch's expression was still serious, but kind._

"_Okay. I'm ready." Spencer said._

_Hotch inwardly took a breath and schooled his expression into that of a unit chief, opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind him. At the same time Spencer took a breath and blew it out grateful for not only Hotch the Unit Chief, but Hotch the friend._

_Meanwhile Hotch faced the rest of the team in the BAU room. Emily had gotten ahold of Penelope even, and there she was. Hotch hadn't even needed to ask someone to do that. He saw Spencer cross through the bullpen and walk out the glass doors. Bringing his attention back to the team around the table, he began. _

_The meeting had only lasted 5 minutes with Hotch present as he explained the situation and made sure to include emphatically that Spencer was positive and confident that he would beat this thing and would be there as much as he could. When he left the table, the rest of the team left. Prentiss looked shocked, Garcia looked devastated, Rossi looked deflated and Morgan looked angry. He went to his office and opened his blinds and saw them filter out, one by one, each alone with their thoughts._

**Flashback Ends**__

Hotch spent a half hour with Spencer and "The Girlfriends" as dubbed by Bittsy and he was surprised at the relaxed and even enjoyable atmosphere of the clinic. Most of the group paid attention to Spencer and Bittsy who bantered back and forth and argued about little things like who currently had the most hair, who was skinnier, who was smarter. Eleanor joined in sometimes and seemed warm and kind and explained how they met Spencer at the lab and she wondered if he was a child stalker. Of course Hotch and Spencer reminded her that you could never be too cautious. All in all it was a pleasant half hour and when Hotch left, Spencer told him not to worry, that he had good friends that would watch out for him while the team was gone.

And Hotch knew Spencer was in good hands. Little hands, but nonetheless, good hands.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The warmth in his heart was temporarily forgotten as he lay on his couch sipping 7-Up with a cool cloth on his forehead. They'd given him medicine for nausea, and the treatment itself had gone by without any difficulty. He'd been relieved then, but right now he felt like he'd been _hit by the chemo train._ And he'd been so sure he would be the exception to nausea. So much for unbiased. Evidently that applied to anything other than chemotherapy. He'd taken his meds and while waiting for them to take effect he concentrated on anything other than the nausea. His mind automatically began replaying his first treatment.

He'd spent his time talking with Bittsy, her mother Eleanor, and off and on with the nurses. Even Hotch had stopped by to visit. As he lay there, his mind wandered back to Bittsy and her mother.

He'd found out that Bittsy was 8 years old, and would have been advanced from 3rd grade to 5th grade if she hadn't been dealing with cancer and chemo during the last school year. Currently her mother was home schooling her and was having a hard time finding challenging material for the feisty child. Eleanor was a widow of over 6 years, Bittsy's only grandparent was her maternal grandmother who lived several hours away and nonetheless remained active and devoted to both Eleanor and Bittsy.

He learned that Bittsy's hair had just regrown to its previous length when they discovered that her Hodgkin's Lymphoma had returned and she was starting chemo and had just finished low dose radiation therapy. He learned that her nurse Jennifer had given her every chemo treatment and had even come in on a day off just to give Bittsy her chemo. Bittsy had a central line catheter to give her chemo through and this was her second one. Her first had been removed when she had completed her treatments over a year ago and she had this new one put in yesterday. According to Bittsy it was, "no big deal, she was a tough cookie, and had strong character just like her Mom." Just listening to the thoughts and opinions of this 8-year-old strengthened his own resolve. He decided to believe Bittsy.

**Flashback:**

"_Hey, this won't be a big deal. Sure, you may get a little sick and lose some hair, but so what? Better to take the medicine and live to be a hundred than worry about eating Jell-O and toast for a few days a month. Besides, do you have a girlfriend? You could really work the 'I'm sick, could you take care of me?' angle."_

"_Elizabeth Amanda May," Eleanor's voice took on that warning tone that let all children know the point of tolerance was coming to a swift end._

"_It's okay Eleanor. I could use any pointers." Spencer laughed _

_And he had. Laughed and joked and even shared a little bit about himself with them. They had even acted interested and impressed and he learned that Bittsy and her mom lived in the apartments across the street from him. He was officially off the potential stranger-danger list, Bittsy and Eleanor had invited him over to play board games and eat Jell-O and their next chemo dates were the same day. _

**Flashback Ends:**

As he lay there and his headache and nausea began to back off, he realized something. Cancer patients were kind of like a special family. So many similar worries, hopes and fears; the unspoken trust and understanding binding them in an intense way that few other shared experiences could. While his mom and the BAU team would always be his family, he decided might be able to make some room for new members.

And heaven help any doomsayer that wandered too close. Bittsy could rip them to shreds with one glare. Spencer smiled and closed his eyes as he dozed off, realizing his greatest champion was a 8-year-old girl with freckles, green eyes and curly brown hair that would soon be falling out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Friday and the weekend continued quietly. Feeling nauseated, feeling drained, but it was strangely anticlimactic. He took his medications and had actually gone to see Bittsy and had Jell-O and toast.

He had spoken with Hotch on Sunday and told him that he believed the worst was over and he wanted to work the next day. Hotch had told him that was fine to "see how it goes" but he had the ultimate word if he thought "you're not up to it, or if you're acting fine when you aren't. I hate to bring up the past Reid, but honesty about your health doesn't seem to be your strong suit, and no second opinion this time…" and the one minute conversation had turned into a five minute one sided lecture. Spencer knew that some of what Hotch had to say was valid and true, but he thought it best to agree if he wanted to go to back to work any time in the near future.

Therefore, Monday at seven in the morning, he was at his desk searching for his paperwork. Any paperwork. Any work whatsoever. His desk was like he had left it except the files he needed to finish were gone and his in-basket was empty while his co-workers in-baskets were full to overflowing. Then it occurred to him; they had taken his work. They were taking his files as well as their own. Great. At the office early to catch up and no work to catch up on. Obviously they were as uncertain how he'd tolerate his treatment as he was. With a slight smile to himself at their kind gesture, he took a portion of each of their files, turned on his computer and began to work.

At eight-thirty, Morgan and Emily walked in and were greeted with fresh coffee on their desks and Spencer going through paper work at his usual speed.

"Hey Kid. I didn't know you were coming back today." Morgan greeted Spencer.

"Hi guys. I told Hotch yesterday I thought the worst was over and I wanted to work today." Spencer smiled looking at them.

"So how'd it go?" Emily asked.

"Well, the first forty-eight hours weren't fun but the actual treatment went fine. I tried to distance myself from the side effects from a knowledge standpoint so that I didn't bias myself, so I think the nausea was a true occurrence. I had medications though and the side effects were mild so I'm hoping that was the worst of it." Spencer elaborated.

Emily pulled her chair over to Spencer's desk and Morgan perched on the edge of Spencer's desk.

"Reid, you know you don't have to do this alone. It's not like it's the flu. We want to be there for you and with you. I want to be there for your treatments if you'll let me, and Garcia want's to call and check on you but she doesn't want to disturb you if you don't feel good. This can't be easy to go through without family. Reid, we're your family, let us be there." Emily finished quietly.

"I'm going to be alright. I don't want to interrupt everyone's lives." Spencer said quietly looking between the two of them.

"We know that Reid and we know you're gonna make it through this. We expect nothing less of you, but that doesn't mean you do this without us being involved. Ya gotta know you're not interrupting our lives." Morgan met and kept Spencer's gaze until Spencer looked down and spoke quietly.

"I know. And I know this sounds weird, but even though all this has been going on a while, it still seems so new. I have no idea how to act."

"That's okay. I'm not sure either, but I do know that if I had a brother, he'd be keeping me up to date and letting me call him, or I'd be showing up on his doorstep. So, brother, you don't have to act, just let us be there, because we're not letting you do this alone." Morgan finished.

Suddenly spencer smiled and laughed as he said. "I'm not as alone as you think."

"What does that mean?" asked Emily.

"Well, you haven't met Bittsy. She also goes by BamBam. She's extremely bright, very perceptive and funny. I'll introduce you both when she and I get together again."

"You have a girlfriend that you haven't mentioned until now? Her name is BamBam?" Morgan looked surprised.

Spencer looked at Morgan and Emily and his eyes twinkled as he answered.

"Well, she's not really my girlfriend, but we have plans later this week, and we have a confirmed date in three weeks. I'll introduce you then if you'd like to meet her. Her full name is Elizabeth Amanda May. She is amazing." Spencer smiled smugly at Morgan.

"Well Morgan, that sounds like a deal you shouldn't pass up." Emily chuckled and winked at Spencer and Spencer winked back.

"Hey Reid," Rossi joined them, "how'd it go Monday?" He asked.

"Not too bad. I was hoping for no nausea, but it was fine with the meds they prescribed. I plan to live a long time so don't get rid of the coffeemaker yet. "

"Rossi, did you know our genius here has himself a 'not quite girlfriend named BamBam'?" Morgan made quote marks in the air.

"Really Reid. BamBam? That seems like someone out of your comfort zone." Rossi smiled.

"He also said she was amazing." Chimed in Emily.

Usually by now Spencer would be red in the face, but he smiled secretly as he looked down to continue working on paperwork.

"You know avoiding the question is an interesting sign. Usually an admission. So is this girl the greatest thing since sliced bread?" Morgan asked.

"Actually, yes she is." He answered without looking up.


	10. Chapter 10

Here's one more for a couple of days. Thank you so much all who have written! This one 's for you!

**Chapter 10**

The rest of the week was busy, but without travel for which Spencer was grateful. He spent Saturday with Bittsy and Eleanor. They played a few board games and Spencer began to teach Bittsy chess which she "took to like a fish takes to water" Eleanor had commented.

"Children can be taught from the age of preschool," Spencer explained, "in fact, I was playing by the age of four. In my opinion, children by far are the fastest learners of all age groups. Their minds process information without bias and children are receptive to information, challenging concepts and facts with less intrusion of daily concerns. They're just better learners. Adults learn and memorize data, but have to exert themselves more…" Spencer stopped his long supposition when he saw the astonished expression on Eleanor's face.

"You played chess when you were four?" She asked.

"Yes." He answered. He was no longer surprised when others were astonished. He was used to it. To him it wasn't amazing. It just was and had been for as long as he could remember. Besides, he was very certain that Bittsy's intelligence was far above average. That also went a long way to explain her precociousness, which asserted itself.

"Mother, are you done drilling Spencer? We're playing chess right now." She asked with just a hint of impatience.

"Yes BamBam." Eleanor answered with a smile in her voice. "Finish the game and then time for supper. By the way, do you want to stay Spencer? We're having macaroni and cheese. BamBam's favorite."

"Thank you. I love macaroni and cheese." He answered.

Spencer didn't really even care about the contents of the meal. He just wanted to stay with Bittsy and Eleanor a little longer…

Sunday night was the beginning of one of the most obvious signs of chemotherapy. His mind supplied the medical term as he noticed several strands of hair on his sleeve; Alopecia. He reached up and ran his hand through his thick head of short hair and came back with a handful of hair and was shocked and oddly panicked.

He immediately called Eleanor and Bittsy's phone number. He didn't even give Eleanor a chance to say hello. "Eleanor I need help, I don't know what to do! My hair is falling out. What do I do?" He blurted out.

"Spencer? Breath. It's okay. Do you need come over?" She asked.

Spencer tried to slow down and control his panic. "Okay. Yes. I want to come over. Are you sure that's okay? Even though it's after nine, I mean I know it's late, are you sure? I can try to…" he continued rambling and Eleanor interrupted.

"Yes. Spencer come over here. It's okay. We'll figure it out. Just come over, it'll be okay."

Spencer hung up the phone without answering, grabbed his keys and locked the door behind him before hurrying over to Eleanor and Bitty's apartment.

Eleanor hung up the phone and wasn't surprised to hear the buzzer ring a few moments later. She knew what was happening. The last time Bittsy had chemo, she'd been the one who'd truly freaked out, even though she'd appeared outwardly calm. Hair loss even when you know it will happen was still upsetting.

She answered the buzzer and knew Spencer had taken the stairs by how quickly he knocked on the door. Opening the door to let him in, she schooled her expression to that of complete calm.

As soon as he came in, he was instantly apologetic. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I knew this was going to happen, but I never thought what to do about it."

Eleanor led him over to the couch. "It's okay. I'll help you."

Just then, a voice from the hallway asked, "What's up Spence?"

Eleanor and Spencer both looked over at Bittsy. "Spencer just needed some help." Eleanor said.

Suddenly a look crossed over Bittsy's face. And she walked over to Spencer. The look was understanding and sympathy. "It's okay Spence. It'll grow back when we're done. We just have to decide what we want to do. Do we shave it all off before it all falls out or wait?"

Spencer looked down at his hands and answered. "I don't know. Everyone will know. Do I wear a hat or what? I don't wear hats."

Bittsy came over, sat down next to him and put her arm around him. Leaning her head against his arm she told him, "You need to call JJ. She'll help you decide. Let my mom call her. She'll want to help." Then Eleanor crouched in front of him.

"Bittsy's right. Let me call JJ."

Still looking at his hands, he nodded.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

After a moment, Spencer swallowed and gave JJ's number to Eleanor who left and called JJ from the kitchen while Bittsy stayed with Spencer on the couch.

"JJ? This is Eleanor, Spencer Reid's neighbor." She could hear a sharp intake of breath and hurried on. "He's not sick, but he is really upset. He's started losing his hair. I know it's late but can you come over?"

There was no hesitation as the woman on the end of the phone answered. "Of course. I'll be right over."

Eleanor quickly but quietly explained the situation and what she needed and finished speaking with JJ another minute before hanging up and going back to the living room to wait.

JJ arrived after an hour and it was obvious she had been rushing. She walked over to Spencer and Bitsy after meeting Eleanor. She sat down on the couch on the opposite side of Spencer as Bittsy. Putting her hand on his knee, she spoke quietly. "Spence, Eleanor told me what's going on and It's going to be alright."

Spencer looked over at JJ and held her eyes as he apologized. "I'm sorry. Do you need to be with Henry?" He asked.

She held his gaze, "He's fine. Will's with him. Now how can I help _you_?"

Spencer looked down at his hands again, swallowing hard as a single tear ran down his cheek and he felt it role down his neck. "Should I cut it all off and what would I wear on my head? The last time I wore a baseball cap was when I was in little league."

"What do think Spence? Do you want to cut it off now? It's your decision. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, but whatever you decide will be fine." JJ spoke quietly.

"I want to get over with, but I don't know how. Should I cut it off myself or go to a barber?" He asked looking over JJ.

Eleanor spoke. "Spencer, I had JJ pick up a pair of clippers and some bandanas if you want us to do it. I did it for Bittsy last time."

JJ almost cried herself when she heard Bittsy speak for the first time. "Mom, I wanna go first. Mine's gonna fall out soon anyway. Let me go first." Then she leaned her head against Spencer's arm. "Spence, will you hold my hand while Mom cuts my hair and then I'll hold your's? We'll be bald together. But I want to pick a bandana first though, okay?"

"What if you're not gonna lose your hair this time?" He asked.

"I already know I will. Come on. Let's get it over with." Bittsy said.

Spencer looked at Bittsy and held her gaze as he spoke to Eleanor and JJ. "I want go first though."

They started after Eleanor had a sheet draped around Spencer who sat in a chair in the middle of the kitchen. As promised, Bittsy held Spencer's hand while Eleanor cut and then shaved Spencer's head and even his eyebrows and explained they would fall out also. She added that last time she had shaved Bittsy's hair she'd had forgotten to shave the eyebrows and Bittsy's ended up in her cereal bowl one morning. While Eleanor cleaned up, JJ taught Spencer how to tie a bandana from the selection left after Bittsy had chosen the purple one for herself.

Then Spencer and Bittsy traded places. Bittsy couldn't see because her mother was behind her, but JJ watched as Eleanor cut and shaved her daughter's head with tears running down her cheeks. Eleanor hurried to clean up and then hurried to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Bittsy spoke as she let JJ tie on the bandana she and Spencer had fought over. "Mom can be emotional about this sorta thing because we're girls." Then she shifted subjects. "Hey Spence, will you come over tomorrow to play chess with me? And JJ, can you eat dinner with Mom, Spence and me tomorrow? I want more of the scoop on Spence."

JJ cleared her throat as she answered. "Sure, just tell me when and what your favorite dessert is." She laughed out loud as both Bittsy and Spencer answered at the same time, "Ice cream."

When Eleanor came back, her eyes and nose were only slightly red, but her tears were gone. With a deep breath, she spoke to JJ. "I heard Bittsy invite you to supper tomorrow and I hope if you aren't busy you would come. We'd love to have you."

JJ smiled at the three of them and said, "You bet. As long you let me choose the ice cream."

"You got it JJ!" Bittsy gave a megawatt smile at her and held up her hand for a high five. "Hey Spence, don't forget to take a shower when you get home or you'll be itchy." She told Spencer with a tone of authority.

"Thanks for reminding me. You are the best. You know that, don't you?" Spencer crouched in front of Bittsy.

"I know." She smiled and threw her arms around Spencer's neck and he gave her a hug back.

When he stood up, he spoke to Eleanor. "Thank you for letting me come over this late, upset and everything. Thank you for helping me and knowing what to do."

Eleanor stepped over to Spencer and embraced him. "See you tomorrow." She said.

JJ crouched in front of Bittsy and gave her a hug that Bittsy eagerly returned. Then Bittsy leaned in and cupping her hands around JJ's ear whispered to her, "I knew you'd come to help. He's going to need lots of help; he's new at this you know." She pulled back to look at JJ.

JJ nodded and smiled and told her, "Spencer's right, you are the best and I'll see you tomorrow." Then turning to Spencer, "Well, Dr. Reid can you walk me to my car on your way out?"

"Yeah." Spencer answered and walked toward the door with JJ. Turning back to Bittsy and Eleanor who had followed them to the door he said, "Thank you both. I don't know what I would have done without your help. See you tomorrow."

"Thank you for calling me." Said JJ, and as they turned to leave she was sure she saw a tear run down Bittsy's cheek.

Outside JJ and Spencer stood at her car.

"I love your new girlfriend Spence."

"It's impossible not to." He replied with a small shy smile. "Both of them actually, but Bittsy is an incredible little girl. By the way, don't tell Morgan yet. I like him thinking I'm Romeo."

"I won't tell. Moreover, by the way, you look just fine. I'm glad you called. I love you Spence. All of your friends do. We can all be there as long as you don't shut us out, so suck it up and let us be there for you. Or I'll send Garcia after you. Got it?"

"Yeah. I got it. Thank you JJ. For caring, for coming here, for everything." And suddenly he swallowed hard as tears filled his eyes.

JJ saw it and embraced him as hard as she could. "It's gonna be okay Spence. Just don't shut me out she whispered.

Pulling away, she wiped his cheek, kissed it, opened her car, and got in. "Don't forget; shower, or you'll be itchy, okay?"

Sniffing he stood up straighter and gave a small nod and smile as he turned and walked toward his townhouse.

Inside the car, JJ pulled out the small envelope Eleanor had slipped into her pocket before she left. Inside was a lock of Spencer's hair and as she touched it a tear rolled down her cheek.

Inside Eleanor's apartment, Eleanor looked down at her daughter and caught the tear that rolled down her daughter's cheek. Picking her up, she carried her to the couch and sat with Bittsy on her lap.

"Are you okay?" She asked

"I kinda miss my hair," she said, "but I think Spencer misses his more."

"That was a beautiful and kind thing you did for Spencer tonight. You are really something BamBam." Eleanor said hugging her daughter close to her chest

"I remembered that you shaved your head when you shaved mine last time and I still thought you were the prettiest mom in the whole world. I love you mommy." She said as she snuggled in closer, needing to be a little girl for a little longer.


	12. Chapter 12

Hello all! Thanks to all who review. I guess I never really prefaced this story with the fact that there are other characters and the team will be more involved in coming chapters. I'm sure this type of fic is not everyone's cup of tea though… Here's a short chapter for now.

**Chapter 12**

The next morning Morgan tried to cover his shock as Spencer walked in wearing a blue bandana with his usual cords, shirt, tie and a sweater vest. He seemed so pale and even thinner without his usual messy, head of hair.

Spencer gave a small hesitant hello wave of acknowledgement.

"I knew it was gonna happen, just not exactly when. Is it really bad? I mean I don't know what to wear. I don't have anything but winter hats." He explained.

"Well Kid, I hate the competition. I mean it is part of my appeal, my signature if you will," he added with his broad teasing grin.

"At this point I'm pretty sure your status isn't in any danger." Spencer smiled feeling more relaxed.

"Well Morgan, if that's your appeal, I hope you have a back-up plan." Laughed Emily as she made her way to her desk. "

Personally, I think you look kinda like a tough guy dressing like a professor. I should get you some leather though. A girl that goes by BamBam might find that appealing." Garcia joined the group.

"Morning Miss Sunshine over there. Maybe leather is her thing or _maybe_ it's yours!" Morgan laughed. "So how 'bout it professor. You ever gonna tell us about your woman?"

"No, but you can meet her when I go for my next treatment if you're not out of town and you want to stop by the doctor's office. Anytime you guys want to come with me is fine. She knows all about you guys, so she's had the opportunity to prepare for the inevitable." Again Spencer smiled and right at that moment with the usual banter going on between he and his teammates, all felt well in his world.

Later in the day, Rossi caught him alone when he was in the break area.

"Hey Reid, how are things going for you? He asked.

"Better today than yesterday. Losing my hair kind of freaked me out. I didn't know what to do so I went over to Bittsy's, and Eleanor helped me shave my head. That way I just got it over with all at once." Spencer said as he poured himself a cup of coffee."

"Reid, I know who Bittsy is, but who's Eleanor?" Rossi asked with a look of confusion.

"Eleanor is Bittsy's mother." Spencer answered.

Rossi raised an eyebrow. "Her mother? That sounds cozy."

"Yep. Hey, Rossi, do you have plans this evening?" Spencer asked.

"Nothing I can think of, why?"

"Would you like to meet Bittsy and her mother?" Spencer asked slyly.

"Well," Rossi matched his mischievous grin, "if that means I get to meet her before the rest of the team, you bet."

"Before Morgan and Emily and Garcia. Dinner is at six. If something changes I'll let you know, otherwise meet me at my place at a quarter till. They live right across the street." Spencer turned and headed back towards the bullpen calling over his shoulder, "You're really going to be amazed."

Rossi stood for a moment looking after Spencer's retreating figure and grinned, thinking to himself, "Go get'em tiger!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Dinner that night had been simple, but fun even though both Spencer and Bittsy had both been tired. Eleanor explained that this was a period of time when their blood cell counts would drop, that the fatigue up to a certain point was normal and by Monday, they should start feeling better. Spencer just let his mind relax and let Eleanor be the expert in the room. It was actually quite freeing though both JJ and Rossi looked to Spencer expecting him to jump in. He just smiled a relaxed smile back to let them know that all was well.

They went to the living room and the five of them played a round of Uno which was by request from Bittsy. Rossi teased them by telling them keep the Uno quiet because it would ruin his "tough "guy" image. After the game Eleanor and JJ disappeared into the kitchen to dish up the promised ice cream. By then, Spencer and Bittsy were sitting side on the floor, side by side leaning back against the couch, dozing off.

Rossi quietly got up and went to the kitchen. He stopped JJ and Eleanor explaining that Spencer and "his girlfriend" were asleep. JJ and Eleanor quietly went to look and JJ took a picture with her phone. They then went to the table to eat dessert. Passing around the phone, the picture showed that Spencer had moved to the couch, his long arm off the side and Bittsy curled up on the floor holding his arm. Both had their bandanas askew.

Each felt a tug at their heart, but for different reasons.

Eleanor thought of what lay ahead for each of them and felt grateful that her daughter had connected with someone.

Rossi felt the protective instinct that had started in Las Vegas increase and even include Bittsy and her mother.

JJ had so many emotions she felt overwhelmed. They ranged from desperate to some very small degree of jealousy; jealousy of Bittsy and her ability to read Spencer, but most of all she felt loss. The loss of innocence when two weeks ago her friend was never in danger of dying from such an insidious foe. A foe that she couldn't stop.

The next day Spencer felt even more tired than the day before. He mustered up just enough energy to get to work. Taking the Metro and walking up the stairs seemed like climbing a mountain. So this is what it felt like to have your blood cell counts at their lowest point after chemo. Well, it felt like crap. So much for thinking that chemo horrors were statistically lower than the average patient experienced. Who cared about statistics? The only chemo experience that had an effect on one's treatment was their own. And right now he decided that facts, bias and statistics just didn't improve how he felt, and he felt awful. Once he made it to work, judging by the stares of his co-workers, he decided he must look as tired as he felt. Their quiet greetings spoke volumes.

He wasn't surprised when Morgan was the first to corner him; after all, Morgan was the first to find him at his home after Hotch told the team about his cancer.

**Flashback:**

"_Hey, Hotch told us you're sick. What's going on man? I need to hear it from you." Morgan stood at the door. With Morgan, actions often spoke louder than words and Morgan's stance and eye contact said that he was ready and willing to stand his ground with Spencer. Spencer stood in the open door moved by his caring and concern. Moved enough to let Morgan in to talk despite how overwhelmed he felt. He explained in simple language the symptoms, staging of his type of cancer and treatment. He promised Morgan he would fight this with everything he had. He told him how hard it was to tell his mom and dad, and how he and his father had kept in touch but neither was comfortable enough yet to let go and just be a dad or just be a son. He told Morgan how when his dad offered to come and help, he felt like that meant he was making amends before he died; that it meant he was giving up. _

_When Morgan wanted to know how he could help, Spencer was honestly unsure; he didn't know what he needed from anyone except Hotch. He needed Hotch to run interference with management, with human resources. Anything to protect his job. If he lost his job, he'd lose his family. _

_**End Flashback**_

And Morgan came through. Every day. He treated Spencer normally. Morgan wasn't scared off by his illness. He promised to be there. He wanted to take him to his chemo treatments but Spencer wasn't ready to let anyone see how frightened he was, how out of control of his life he was, how out of his depth he was. Last but not least he felt like he failed Morgan because he wasn't ready to let him in all the way.

Well, he was ready now. He was ready to curl up under his desk and sleep this chemo bender off. He was ready for any and all help he'd rejected earlier. That's when he capitulated. He told Hotch he had to go home and asked if Morgan could drive him because he needed help.

When Spencer woke up it was almost dark, his cell was ringing and someone was banging on his door. He stumbled out of bed, grabbed his phone and headed to silence the idiot trying to break down his door. He saw it was Emily calling. Funny, that sounded like her on the other side of the door too.

He automatically answered the cell as he fumbled with the lock. He was saying hello on his cell as he opened the door and she practically stumbled in as she was pounding and answering him on the cell at the same time.

"Reid, you scared me to death!"

"Emily, what's wrong? What are you doing here?"

"I called six times before I came over and then you didn't answer your door and I knew you were home. I was worried!"

"Well, come in before you scare my neighbors. Besides, I need to sit down." And he moved to the side to let her in.

"Do you want something to drink?" He offered. "I'm going to get some water for myself, and maybe get into something else if you don't mind."

"Why don't I get the water while you change. I know where everything is." She offered back.

When they were sitting down, Emily began speaking.

"Reid. How are you really doing? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or get into your business, but I want to be here for you. You're like family to me. In fact you're more important than my own. I need to do something Spencer."

"Emily, I'm gonna be fine".

"Then why couldn't you tell us yourself?" She asked.

"Because I'm tired. I haven't felt good and the news was a lot to handle. It's not like I'm going to die but it's not a little thing either. I need you all to be my family, and I know I need help, but it's still hard." He explained.

"Then we'll be strong for you, but please don't hide the truth. When you feel sick, or down you need to tell us. Please. Don't drift away from us. Okay? I can always send Garcia after you." Her tone changed to teasing.

"I'm not sure what to say." He answered.

"Just say you'll let us be your family." She said.

"I get it and I appreciate it. Oh, by the way, don't sick Garcia on me. She was already here today…"

He'd been home three hours when a knock at the door rousted him off the couch. On the other side was Penelope Garcia in hot pink and lime green. For some odd reason, it made him dizzy.

He expected a whirlwind of angst, but she was quiet, calming, and soothing. She explained that she knew he was tired, but she needed to tell him something important. She proceeded to tell him that her Godmother had had cancer. She let him know that she was his family, that she wasn't afraid to see him sick, but she was afraid that he needed them and he wouldn't let them help.

"Reid, I remember how scared I was when you had Anthrax. I didn't know of I'd ever see you alive again, and I was scared until I heard you would be okay. I don't ever want to go through that again and be on the other side of the phone. I don't want to find out you're sick and you didn't tell us. Also, Morgan told me that you feel like a burden."

"I just don't want everyone to spend important time taking care of me. I feel like I'm an adult and I should be able to handle this." He said defending his pride.

"You see, here's the thing. No one is meant to handle this alone, but to get through it with help from people who love you. I watched my Godmother. She's a survivor, but she needed us, and you do too, even if you don't get it yet. I'm sorry Reid but this isn't your private business and if we can help it, you'll never go to a treatment alone again, because it affects us all; because we're a family."

"I get it. Sunday I kind of freaked out when my hair started to fall out. JJ came over to Bittsy's place to help when we shaved it off."

"You mean to say, that she, Hotch and Rossi have already met the mysterious BamBam? That's not fair! Is it really true that she's incredible and the perfect woman for you?" Garcia interrogated.

"Well, she is incredible and she just seems to understand me. Who told you she was the perfect woman?" He queried.

"Rossi and Hotch."

"Well, she really is incredible, but you'll have to decide for yourself if she's perfect for me." He told her.

"I can't wait! My junior G man has fallen for a woman! Finally. I just have one question though. Does she wear leather or carry a whip? Because she sounds like a firecracker."

Even though he was bone tired he had to laugh. "I have to say she does have a certain spark…"


	14. Chapter 14

Hello there! There are some big projects at home that I'm helping with, so I hope to post again on Sunday. Have a great weekend everybody…NurseJenn

**Chapter 14**

He finally felt better by the end of the weekend. Just in time for his next treatment on Thursday. They'd checked his lab work on Wednesday and deemed him ready for his round of chemo. He arrived at eight o'clock and his chemo was underway by eight thirty. Bittsy and Eleanor were there for Bittsy's chemo and they were all talking about chess and decided they needed to bring a board with them to the next chemo round. Bittsy had come a long way with chess but still liked Life and Clue because she had a chance to win. The moment seemed so incongruent to be talking about something so innocent as board games while there were chemicals flowing into their bodies to kill an invisible enemy.

Spencer wasn't surprised when Morgan, Garcia and Emily showed up to meet Bittsy. He'd told them she was going to be there during his chemo and he knew the bait was too enticing for them to ignore. He'd told Eleanor and Bittsy about each member of his team and they had already met JJ, Rossi and Hotch.

So, as the three approached he could tell Morgan, Emily and Garcia were sizing up Eleanor as a "BamBam" type of girl. When they were close enough Spencer first introduced Eleanor and then Bittsy. Emily looked confused, Garcia looked surprised, and Morgan looked shocked.

Rossi suddenly appeared beside Morgan and asked him, "So have you met BamBam yet? I hear she's the greatest thing since sliced bread."

"Hey there girlfriend." Rossi went over to Bittsy and gave her a high five. He gave a small wave and a warm smile to Eleanor. Looking at the rest of the team he then turned back to Spencer and smirked, "So has Morgan spoken or is he still in shock?"

"Mr. Morgan, did you think my mom was BamBam?" Bittsy asked, appalled by the very idea.

"Well I was, see I thought, I…" He sputtered. Then schooling his expression, he spoke to Reid. "Girlfriend huh?"

"I said 'not really'. You just assumed the rest. Remember what happens when you assume Morgan?" Reid smiled cheekily. "I so totally got you!" He laughed.

After holding Spencer's gaze briefly, he smiled and said, "Amazing huh?"

"Yep that's me!" Bittsy chimed in. "There is no one like me anywhere. Mom says they broke the mold when they made me."

"Well, Reid is never wrong, so you must be amazing." He said to Bittsy.

"Don't worry about it Mr. Morgan; everyone makes mistakes. So, are you as strong as Spence says? Can I feel your arm muscles? By the way, are you bald on purpose or are you full of 'testarone' like Spence says, 'cause he said that's why men lose their hair. Except Spence and me. Our's is from chemo. Did you know after my first time taking chemo, my hair grew back curly?" She spoke rapidly, eagerly and earnestly.

By now Spencer was a little red and embarrassed, but thought to himself, "I want these people here, I want them as family and I admire each of them."

In very short order, Eleanor, Bittsy, Emily and Garcia had plans for a "hat shopping day" later in the week, and Eleanor explained _testosterone_ while Garcia threatened to outfit Spencer with hats.

Morgan and Rossi were busy chatting with Bittsy while she peppered them with questions and answered theirs. The concept of a child that was like a little adult was revealed in Bittsy. She explained her nickname BamBam, she told them about her cancer, her treatments, philosophies about life and chemo as well as her beliefs about family and friendship. They quickly became Bittsy converts.

After they spent a while getting to know each other, Janice noticed that Spencer was acting restless and a sheen of perspiration was visible on his forehead. She quietly drew up some medication, surreptitiously got out an emesis basin and broke up the discussion session.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to give Spencer some medication. "

Wisely the group said a very quick goodbye and began to leave, but before Morgan could turn to leave Spencer grabbed the pink basin Janice provided and began to retch and vomit into it Meanwhile Morgan helped him sit up the rest of the way while Janice injected anti-nausea medication into his IV. Between retching and panting Spencer was telling Morgan he was alright and it was okay to go, but Morgan held his ground.

"Reid, I'm only leaving if you make me. I want to be here; remember brother?"

When Spencer was done he lay back after Janice helped him rinse his mouth. He wondered if he looked as crappy as he felt. Morgan was still clasping his hand. Spencer looked at him tiredly and asked,

"Sure you're up to a few months of this?"

"You bet Kid." Morgan answered.

"Hey Spence. Are you better or do you still feel oogie?" Bittsy asked quietly.

"I think it's better. Thanks. How are you BamBam?" He looked her way.

"I'm okay right now. Remember with chemo we might live till we're old, without it the cancer wins. It'll get better. I promise." She said solemnly.

"Okay. I trust you." With that he closed his eyes as Janice put a cool, wet washcloth on his forehead.

"Reid, I'm gonna go to the lobby for a minute. I'll be back. Bittsy, will you watch him for me for a minute or two?" Morgan asked.

"You got it Mr. Morgan." And Bittsy watched Spencer with concern and sympathy.

"Now that is one little girl I'd want in my corner." Morgan told Janice as they walked toward the lobby, away from Spencer and Bittsy.

"You have no idea." Janice smiled and winked at him.


	15. Chapter 15

Hello all! Know this is short, but wanted to get something up tonight! Thank you all that review…I always get great ideas of how the story is going and what would be good to make it better!

Thx again~ NurseJenn

**Chapter 15**

_Last chapter:_

… _but before Morgan could turn to leave Spencer grabbed the pink basin Janice provided and began to retch and vomit into it Meanwhile Morgan helped him sit up the rest of the way while Janice injected anti-nausea medication into his IV. Between retching and panting Spencer was telling Morgan he was alright and it was okay to go, but Morgan held his ground._

"_Reid, I'm only leaving if you make me. I want to be here; remember brother?"_

_When Spencer was done he lay back after Janice helped him rinse his mouth. He wondered if he looked as crappy as he felt. Morgan was still clasping his hand. Spencer looked at him tiredly and asked,_

"_Sure you're up to a few months of this?" _

"_You bet Kid." Morgan answered. _

"_Hey Spence. Are you better or do you still feel oogie?" Bittsy asked quietly. _

"_I think it's better. Thanks. How are you BamBam?" He looked her way._

"_I'm okay right now. Remember with chemo we might live till we're old, without it the cancer wins. It'll get better. I promise." She said solemnly. _

"_Okay. I trust you." With that he closed his eyes as Janice put a cool, wet washcloth on his forehead._

"_Reid, I'm gonna go to the lobby for a minute. I'll be back. Bittsy, will you watch him for me for a minute or two?" Morgan asked._

"_You got it Mr. Morgan." And Bittsy watched Spencer with concern and sympathy. _

"_Now that is one little girl I'd want in my corner." Morgan told Janice as they walked toward the lobby, away from Spencer and Bittsy. _

"_You have no idea." Janice smiled and winked at him._

When they reached the door, Morgan pulled Janice aside.

"Is he gonna suffer like this each time? He was finally feeling better on Sunday, but before that he looked and felt terrible." Morgan demanded.

"Morgan, Spencer is going to experience some side effects. We give him medications, but a large percentage of patients experience nausea from the drugs Spencer receives. Also, his blood cell counts drop to the lowest counts around seven to ten days after treatment because chemo drugs kill good blood cells as well as bad cells. The chemo will do its job and Dr. Kim comes to see him at each session. We'll watch his lab work, we'll watch for side effects from the drugs and we'll treat those side effects. It can be upsetting to watch someone we care about receiving treatment and experiencing side effects, but we will do our very best to treat the problems as they arise and prevent as many complications as we can. Just hang in there, be there for him and we'll do everything we can to make things better. I promise.

Morgan took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay. I need to let the team know I'm staying here and how he's doing and then I'll be back. Thank you for looking out for him." With that, he nodded to Janice and went out to the lobby.

Janice returned to Spencer. Spencer didn't open his when she returned, instead he asked,

"Will this happen every time?"

"I'm not sure Spencer. Everyone responds to chemo differently. We'll plan on treating the nausea sooner and more aggressively and finding what works best for you. You're the research buff so you have the opportunity to research and find different things to try and I'll give you ideas that have helped others. Just don't give up. This isn't a picnic, but we're not out ideas yet, okay?" she spoke kindly, but confidently.

Just then Morgan returned and took a seat at Spencer's side.

Are you feeling better?" He asked quietly.

Spencer opened his eyes and looked at Morgan. "Yeah, for now." He said.

Morgan looked over at Bittsy and asked her. "Is he telling the truth BamBam?"

"Look at me Spence." She commanded and they locked eyes for a moment. "Yep. He's better." She reported. Then they both closed their eyes while Morgan lifted his up and said a prayer for his friend.

Near the end of the treatment Spencer felt tired but better and he and Bittsy were talking about getting together the next day while Eleanor was asking him about what type of food he had at his place and determining if it was "chemo friendly". Both Spencer and Bittsy seemed subdued as they finished their last drop of IV fluid. Eleanor and Morgan stepped to the side and talk while the nurses started the "finishing up work" of their treatments.

"That's quite a special little girl you have." Morgan told Eleanor.

"Thank you. She's incredible. Sometimes it's hard to remember she's just a child. She has an adult vocabulary. The things she knows, what she's gone through…she's wise in ways no child should be. She ran her hand through her hair.

"I can't believe I fell for Reid's 'girlfriend'." Then he chuckled and smiled at Eleanor. "Well, she is amazing."

"Speaking of amazing, Spencer's the best thing that happened to us in a while. He and Bittsy have really connected. He treats her by her intelligence, not her age." She paused, "Well, except for the testosterone. I wasn't going to explain that until high school." She laughed.

"He's a good man." Morgan smiled.

"We'd better go back in there. They should be about done. Do we admit we were talking about them?" She smiled back.

"They'll know. By the way, I could take our "kids" to your place and stay there while you go to the store." Morgan offered.

"That is really sweet, but I'll shop tomorrow. One thing about Bittsy; she throws up after treatment on the drive home every single time." She said with a sad smile and turned and headed back to Bittsy and Spencer.


	16. Chapter 16

Thought I'd post before bed. I think the rating is still ok despite body fluids…Sleep well one and all!

PS: I never really addressed that this is after JJ has transferred to the pentagon, but before Seaver.

**Chapter 16**

Morgan drove Spencer home since he had taken the metro. As soon as Morgan pulled into a parking place, Spencer was opening the door and sprinting toward his townhouse. Morgan followed fast enough to find Spencer kneeling in front of his toilet vomiting so forcefully he was trembling.

Morgan backed out closing the door to give the man some privacy. He went to the kitchen and found a glass and got some water and headed back to the bathroom. When he heard the toilet flush and the water running he gently knocked on the door.

"Reid? I've got some water for you." He spoke through the door.

Spencer was exhausted, pale with bruising around his eyes when he opened the door and took the glass. He went in the bathroom to rinse out his mouth and came back out. Leaning against the wall he spoke, his voice was hoarse from vomiting.

"Thanks for the ride home Morgan. I didn't expect to get sick like this. It wasn't it like this last time. I'm okay for now. I'm just gonna lie down; you don't have to stay."

"No kid, I don't think so. Not until you take your meds and they kick in."

It showed how tired he was when Spencer told him, "Thanks Morgan, make yourself at home." He then went down the hall to his bedroom.

Two hours later he followed the sound of television and was surprised to find Rossi in his living room,

"Hey there, I hope I didn't disturb you." Rossi said.

"No, I woke up and I'm thirsty. Then I'm gonna call and check on Bittsy. I found out she usually gets sick on the way home. We usually play chess about five so I want to see how she is." He explained.

"Well Eleanor stopped by an hour ago, said Bittsy's asleep. She brought some ginger ale, popsicles and Jell-O. She's planning to shop tomorrow so she wants a list by nine if you'd like her to pick up a few things. Now, what would you like to drink or eat? Morgan said small amounts often. And I'm to do whatever it takes so you don't get dehydrated."

Spence let himself sink into the couch. "Ginger ale, no ice I guess. Thanks Rossi. While you're in there would you mind getting the Tylenol from above the sink? I've got a very large thumping headache."

The rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. He was still nauseated but, his meds seeming to hold the worst at bay. Rossi left after Spencer had spoken with Bittsy and Eleanor and made plans to go over by ten in the morning. Spencer was worried about being a bother, but Eleanor insisted that by now she'd "seen it all", and Bittsy not only loved, but needed his company.

Emily and Garcia came over to check on him an hour after Rossi left and at that point he was doing alright so they made sure his meds, fluids and cell phone were handy and that he was tucked in and then quietly left.

Spencer woke up once during the night to vomit and take medication for the nausea and was otherwise able to sleep until eight thirty. He considered the fact that unless he was up all night, he hardly ever slept this late. It felt strange to miss so much work, but even stranger that right now he didn't miss it. What he missed was his team.

He made it to Bittsy and Eleanor's right before the nausea hit. He felt so humiliated throwing up in someone one else's home but at the same time, he felt so very cared for when Eleanor brought him water to rinse out his mouth. It had been so long since his mother had been able to take care of him. Bittsy had stayed right by his side though she had been quiet and subdued. She even got her pillow and comforter from her room and lie down next to the couch.

About two in the afternoon Spencer and Bittsy gingerly ate some Jell-O and crackers and played Go Fish. Eleanor shared family information from their past including Bittsy's grandmother and even Bittsy's dad. He learned that "Nanny" was coming for a visit and couldn't wait to meet him. Considering he'd never really had any of his grandparents involved in his life, he was interested to see what she would be like. Bittsy's dad's name had been Charles, and when he'd died, Eleanor put the insurance money away for a rainy day and she'd quit working when Bittsy had first been diagnosed with cancer. Eleanor just chuckled and said that she decided that "rainy days" had arrived. Before then she had worked as a paralegal so she had a good understanding of the legal system and even Bittsy had picked up quite a bit of understanding as well as vocabulary.

Before working in the BAU and with this team he hadn't really felt like he was a part of family. Gideon had been a mentor and filled a hole in his life. He was somewhat of a cross between a father and a beloved professor. When he left so abruptly, though it brought back some abandonment issues, he'd been able to fall back on the team and it felt right somehow. When they took away JJ, it felt like a family member had been ripped away, and right now with his cancer he was starved for family. Bittsy and Eleanor just added to that concept. He was suddenly cast into the role of a big brother and even a little bit like an older son. He needed them and oddly enough they needed him…


	17. Chapter 17

Okay, I decided not to go to bed yet. Spencer is digging in deep, growing, learning thanks to his team and a little girl…

**Chapter 17**

He completed his third treatment and he tried not to over analyze his shift in perspective. Life moved on, but he felt more like an observer than a participant in the hustle and bustle of daily life. He was living in a whole different mindset. He was in a race. A race to beat cancer. If he'd tried this without his family, he didn't know if he'd still be running.

Rarely, he'd forget he was held back from going over the edge of the cliff by his family. When he forgot, he felt in danger of slipping over the side into an abyss; silently, anonymously, lonely, unnoticed and in pain and then just when he needed it, he was reminded he was loved, cared for, important. Something he'd been all along and hadn't embraced until now.

He became less involved with work and more involved with people. He spent many evenings with Bittsy and Eleanor. He suddenly had a "Nanny". A real live grandmother, complete with grandmotherly advice, praise, and cookies! Bittsy taught him that blood wasn't the only binding between people; lives intersected and intertwined. He taught her that she wasn't weird or odd for being smart, she was special, amazing and unique, and she would change the world just by being herself.

He called his mother and his father every week and somehow becoming a father and son was slightly easier. When he was feeling decent he could relax. When he was with others, he appreciated them more. He found he could even be depressed or in a bad mood and not be rejected by his friends and family. He realized that things happened and it wasn't necessarily his fault. He was human, imperfections and all

Then when he wasn't looking, the cancer snuck back in and its cold tendrils would wrap around his soul and for a brief time he again knew fear. What if this didn't work? What if he lost the race? What if he disappointed the people he loved? He knew what it was like to be the one left behind…


	18. Chapter 18

Beware, herein lies hurt…and comfort

Good night for real, NurseJenn

**Chapter 18**

Twenty one days. At least that's how Spencer counted his days right now. The number of days between chemo treatments. Treatment number four down, two to go. Some days were good, some were average and some really sucked he thought as he huddled under the covers shivering and shaking. Somewhere between the time he went to bed and midnight he'd developed chills alternating with a fever that left him weak and even a little confused. If only this fog would clear up. He decided to call Hotch and tell him he'd be late for work.

Hotch was in his office that morning before seven when his cell phone rang. He saw Spencer's name on the phone and answered.

"Hotchner."

"Hotch?" He could hear Spencer's voice and it sounded somewhat shaky and weak.

"Yes Reid. It's Hotch. Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm sorry I'm late, but I'll be there as soon as I can." He replied.

"That's fine. We don't have any out of house cases today, so don't worry." Said Hotch.

"I'm sorry I'm late Hotch. I promise I'll be there."

"It's alright. You're not late." He reassured Spencer

"Thanks Hotch. I'm really sorry. I'll hurry." And with that Spencer hung up.

Hotch looked at the phone and something niggled in the back of his brain. Intuition told him something was wrong. He grabbed his keys and phone and headed out to check on Spencer.

In twenty minutes he made it to Spencer's. He'd tried calling him, but now Spencer didn't answer his phone. He knocked on the door and waited for Spencer to respond, but only heard silence. He called again and could swear he heard Spencer's phone. With no answer either way, Hotch singled out the key Spencer had given to him. Gideon once had one, but when he left, Spencer gave one to Hotch.

"Spencer, its Hotch. I'm coming in." He announced as he entered.

Hotch felt uneasy as he walked through the quiet apartment. There was no evidence that Spencer had even been up yet. Finally he reached the bedroom. The door was open and he could tell Spencer was huddled under the covers.

"Spencer? It's Hotch. I need to know you're alright. Can I come in?" He asked.

"Hotch? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Spencer struggled to sit up and Hotch saw his confused expression.

"I'm alright. How are you feeling?" Hotch spoke as he came to the side of the bed. "Spencer, do you remember calling me?"

Hotch could see now that Spencer was extremely pale except for bright red fever spots on his cheeks. He noticed Spencer was shaking with chills and having difficulty focusing on Hotch.

"Hotch? Am I late?" Spencer asked, genuinely confused.

"Spencer, you're not late. You have a fever and you're sick right now. I'm going to call Dr. Kim and see what she recommends. Do you feel sick any other way right now?" While he'd been speaking with Spencer, Hotch had managed to feel Spencer's forehead and determined his temperature was somewhere near one hundred and two degrees. Hotch hadn't had a close up look at Spencer in a tee-shirt and sweats till now and what he saw worried him. Spencer was rail thin, as in you could count every rib, his eyes sunken and listless, hips unable to hold up sweats like they should, bruises on his arms and legs. Without a hat or bandana he looked like death. Hotch had to shake his head and pull his mind off that dark path.

Hotch called Rossi for help after he had spoken with Dr. Kim and when he arrived, together they helped a very uncoordinated Spencer dress and get out to Rossi's car. Hotch was reconsidering his wisdom or lack thereof it by choosing to take Spencer to the emergency room instead of calling EMS. While Rossi drove, Hotch sat in the back seat with Spencer and called Morgan to have him let the rest of the team know they were headed to the ER.

Dr. Kim must have notified the ER that they were bringing in Spencer, because as soon as they pulled up, there was ER staff coming out to help them bring Spencer inside. All the while Spencer was apologizing to Hotch and Rossi for being late, for being an inconvenience, for missing the briefing, promising to be on time and prepared.

Hotch was one of Spencer's durable power of attorneys of health care so he stayed with Spencer as they helped him to a room, while Rossi went to patient registration. Dr. Kim actually met them in the ER room and began by asking Spencer questions which he seemed unable to answer accurately or with any detail. She then gave the staff orders and spoke with Hotch just outside the door of the room. She explained that since his last treatment over seven days ago, his white cell count had dropped and with a weakened immune system he had probably picked up an infection.

"We'll keep him in the hospital to treat the infection and his low white cell count. He's pretty sick right now but should improve quickly with antibiotics, getting his fever down and treating his dehydration. He is also very anemic so we'll have to treat that as well." She explained.

"Dr. Kim, I'm concerned with his overall appearance as well. He is so emaciated. Is he responding to treatment at all?" Hotch asked.

"Spencer's cancer is responding to treatment quite well actually. The drug combination is known to be very effective and he's been tolerating it quite well up until this point. Actually he was due for lab work today to watch out for these types of problems. You see, after each treatment, the chemotherapy causes what we call myelosupression. Now we want the chemotherapy to kill the cancer cells, but it affects good cells as well; like the bone marrow which produces red blood cells that carry oxygen, white cells that protect us from infection and platelets that help the blood to clot if there is bleeding. Seven to ten days after a treatment these cell counts drop to their lowest point of production and then the bone marrow begins to recover and cell production picks back up again. This is what left him vulnerable to infection. Also his red blood cell count is too low and we will be giving him a red blood cell transfusion. Now, the nausea and vomiting, unfortunately, are very common with these medications. We are treating him very aggressively with anti-nausea medications known as anti-emetics. He takes those at home as well as when he receives his treatment. The nausea and vomiting usually end within one to three days afterwards. Spencer is normally a very thin man, so his weight loss is even more apparent and we are taking it seriously. I realize I'm giving you a lesson in chemotherapy, but it's most likely going to get worse before it's over."

"What can we do to help?" Hotch wanted to know.

"Agent Hotchner, I see Spencer at each treatment session as well as regular office appointments and from what I've heard from Spencer and observed, he's a very fortunate young man. I've seen that he is more willing to accept help from others than when this first began. I believe that you are helping. He has a tremendous amount of hope for his recovery and trust in his friends. Those things can only happen with good support." She smiled gently at him.

"Now, I need to get back to Spencer. They'll come to get you when they take him to his room, and you and your team may have unrestricted visiting privileges due to your unpredictable schedules. If you do have questions or concerns and need to speak with me, please have the staff contact me. Can I answer anything else right now?" She asked.

"No, thank you. You've been very helpful Dr. Kim. I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. If you need any help with Spencer from myself or my team, please call me."

Hotch shook her hand before she went back in to see Spencer. He then went out to the lobby to wait. There he found Rossi, JJ and Morgan.

"Emily and Garcia are on their way. So what did you find out?" Rossi asked.

"Well, Dr. Kim thinks he has an infection because his white blood cell count is too low. They're going to work on that and getting him rehydrated. She's seen the weight loss and is concerned about it."

"I've spoken to Spence about that and all he tells me is that he's eating as much as he can and they weigh him every week." JJ said.

Garcia and Emily hurried to join the team. "What's happening with my genius?" Garcia wanted to know.

"Has anyone told Eleanor and Bittsy that Spencer's here?" Emily added her question.

"Spencer's gonna be okay. He developed an infection due to his low white cell count. They're going to give him antibiotics and treat his fever. Pretty soon they'll get us when they have him ready to go to a room." Hotch explained.

"I'll call Eleanor when we know what room he's going to be in." JJ said.

"Reid and Bittsy get their chemo at the same time. Does she go through all this too?" Hotch wondered out loud.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_Last chapter:_

"_Spencer's gonna be okay. He developed an infection due to his low white cell count. They're going to give him antibiotics and treat his fever. Pretty soon they'll get us when they have him ready to go to a room." Hotch explained._

"_I'll call Eleanor when we know what room he's going to be in." JJ said._

"_Reid and Bittsy get their chemo at the same time. Does she go through all this too?" Hotch wondered out loud._

"Bittsy, time to wake up. We need to get to the doctor's office to get your blood work." Eleanor kissed her daughters cheek as she spoke to her. Bittsy just opened her eyes and grimaced.

"Mom, I'm tired and everything is achy. I don't wanna get up." She complained. Eleanor was surprised. Her daughter didn't complain. She felt her forehead and detected a slight fever. "BamBam, you've got a fever. We need to get some breakfast and Tylenol down you and get you to the doctor's office, so come on honey, up we go." And she gently helped Bittsy get out of bed and steered her toward the bathroom. As she closed the bathroom door to give Bittsy some privacy, the phone rang. Hustling to the phone, she caught it on the third ring. She wasn't expecting JJ on the other end.

"Eleanor? It's JJ. I'm here at Potomac Hospital with Spencer. He woke up pretty sick with a fever this morning." JJ explained.

"How bad is he? Is it an infection? Is his white count down?" Eleanor fired questions at JJ.

"They said he has an infection because his white cells are too low. He's very dehydrated, but they're giving him antibiotics and IV fluids. They decided he needed to be in the intensive care unit. We wanted to be sure to tell you where he's at."

"He was really tired last night, but he didn't have a fever. Bittsy's going to be so upset and we're headed to the doctor's office soon for her labs. She's got a fever this morning too. What ICU room is he in? Can she talk to him?"

"There's no phone in the room, but Eleanor, he's too sick to talk right now."

There was a pause before she answered. "Thank you for calling JJ. Please call back to let us know how he's doing.

Morgan and Garcia stayed for the day shift. Neither really felt like talking when all they could think about was that their friend could die from a simple infection because his depleted immune system was incapable of protecting him and his body too wasted to handle the fight. They had started an IV in his neck because he was too dehydrated to find veins in his arms. He ranged between confused mumbling and shaking with chills. He moaned and complained of pain, panting at times. How had this crept up on them? How had he gotten sick so quickly? While the infection ravaged through him, guilt ravaged through them.

By late evening, just as Dr. Kim predicted, once Spencer began to improve, things improved quickly. His oxygen level improved and they changed the oxygen mask to a nasal cannula, his fever came down below one hundred and two, the urinary catheter confirmed that his hydration status was improving, and he was able to take some sips of water. Morgan was the first person Spencer asked about what had happened.

"Morgan?" A raspy voice pulled Morgan from his thoughts. He got up and went to Spencer's side.

"Hey kid. How do you feel? Are you up to some more water?"

"No Jell-O?" Spencer whispered?

Morgan smiled, getting the joke while giving Spencer a small drink of water. "Nope. Just good old fashioned water."

"Why am I in the hospital?" He asked; his voice still weak.

"Looks like you picked up an infection because your white cell counts were low. You had a high fever and were really dehydrated. You've been really sick, but the antibiotics are working and they're giving you a medicine that should increase your white cell count to help fight the infection. Do you remember much?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I remember a lot of strange dreams. Was I late to work?" he asked.

"No Reid. You weren't late to work. You're sick, but you're getting better."

"I'm not sure about that." Spencer said dubiously.

"You are. Trust me. Are you in pain?" Morgan inquired.

"No more than usual." He answered as he drifted off.

"Did he just say he's been in pain? Did you know about that?" Hotch asked Morgan as he joined him beside Spencer.

"No I didn't. And that bothers me."

_Earlier that day:_

Bittsy lie on the exam table in the doctor's office under a blanket. One of Dr. Kim's nurses had drawn blood from her "chemo line" and they were waiting to see Dr. Kim and get the results.

Eleanor looked up from stroking her daughter's hair when Dr. Kim came in. "Well, you were right of course Bittsy. Your white cell count is low, specifically your neutrophils. Do you know which white cells those are?"

"The ones that fight infection. The first ones to go into the battle. They're like the pawns in chess."

"That is exactly right Bittsy. That means you are more susceptible to infections and right now your body may be trying to fight an infection and it's weak. So, what we're going to do is give you some special medicine to increase the number of neutrophils your body makes. We'll give this through your chemo catheter today and tomorrow and maybe three or four days total, depending on how fast your cell count comes up. Things are going to be fine Bittsy." Dr. Kim finished her explanation.

"Dr. Kim, does she have the same infection as Spencer?"

"Spencer is sick?" Bittsy sat up suddenly.

"Eleanor, Bittsy, I can't discuss another person's medical condition. Bittsy I know Spencer is your BFF but, what I can tell you is, _you're_ going to be fine. Agent Hotchner is waiting to hear from you both. He was worried about you, Bittsy. You need to stay home today, rest up and we'll give you another dose tomorrow. Try not to worry, okay? Spencer would definitely want you to stay positive."

"Mom! If Spence is sick, he needs me! I know he does. He me to get through this." Bittsy insisted.

"Bittsy, you can't go near anyone who is sick, and definitely not today. Not until your white count is high enough to keep you from getting sick." Dr. Kim said. She held Bittsy's eyes until Bittsy nodded.

Right before Morgan and Garcia left at dawn, Garcia heard Spencer softly moan. She moved swiftly over to the bed in time to see him trying to reposition himself. As she helped him he scrunched up his eyes and again moaned in pain. Finally he was settled and let out a relieved sigh and croaked out a soft thank you. He started to drift off again but before he could, Morgan appeared with a glass of water, insisting he take a drink. He took a few sips out of the straw.

"Reid, Kid; stay with me here for a moment. Are you in any pain?" he asked quietly.

He sleepily nodded.

"Where does it hurt kid?"

"Head. Whole body aches. Always aches. Nothing makes it better. Morgan make it stop." He entreated.

'How long have you been hurting? Before yesterday?" Morgan asked.

His sentences fragmented, he answered. "Yeah. Before started chemo; want ibuprofen, not allowed to take it, acetaminophen doesn't help much." With that he blinked and blearily closed his eyes.

"Morgan, did he just say that he's always in pain?" Garcia asked.

"Yes Baby girl, yes he did." Morgan answered sadly.

The next time Spencer really woke up was at night while Emily was there.

The first thing he noticed was that he wasn't chilled and he wasn't nauseated. The next was that his nose itched and then he realized he had oxygen in his nose. The third item of note was that he had to urinate. His brain processed that he once had a urinary catheter and now he didn't. He saw Emily sitting next to him. He cleared his throat and she looked up from her files.

"Hey Reid." She stood and moved closer. How are you feeling?"

"Hi Emily." He rasped out. "I think I need to uh, use the ah," he stumbled over his words.

"Oh!" Emily suddenly understood. "I'll get the nurse." And with that she went to search Spencer's nurse.

Spencer tried to get his bearings. He knew he was sleeping for long periods and missing big blocks of time, but remembered seeing all of his team at one time or another. While he remembered feeling awful, at the same time he remembered feeling safe and protected.

After all his personal needs were met, Spencer felt better but beyond exhausted. When Emily came back he found out he'd needed a red blood cell transfusion as well as the medicine that would stimulate his bone marrow to produce white blood cells. While he still felt like death warmed over, mentally it felt better to know what was going on. Emily was gentle and persuasive as she helped him drink some juice and eat some pudding. He felt absolutely embarrassed as she fed him the last four bites when he couldn't stop shaking from weakness enough to finish the pudding without assistance.

The next thing he knew was that he waking up _again_ as the nurse was assessing him and it was late morning. Rossi and JJ were there. He was shocked at how weak his voice was and he was dazed as he realized he was in a different room. He grasped the fact that he'd been sick enough to be in the intensive care unit.

JJ left while Rossi was talking to Spencer and returned shortly. She stood in the doorway and interrupted.

"Excuse me gentlemen. There is someone here to see Spencer."

From behind her popped out Bittsy.

"Hey Spence they said I could come see you." She appeared animated but, Spencer could detect the weariness in her posture. He immediately understood. Her counts were at their lowest also.

She walked up to his bed and sat on the edge. She placed her small palm on his forehead and said,

"I heard you got neutropenic and got sick." Then she took his cheeks between her hands and looked him in the eyes and solemnly addressed him, "Spence you gotta be careful; okay? Other than my mom and Nanny, you're my best friend. Don't screw it up."

Right then, exhausted and his emotions near the surface all he could do was hold her gaze and nod as a lone tear gathered in the corner of his eye. Reaching up with his thumb, he wiped it away and whispered, "Got it." And he realized that there was a group of people he better not disappoint…


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

He came home again to return to the pre-established routines and the BAU team approach. It was great to be home, but he didn't remember it being such a long walk to the door. The scary part was that he felt one hundred percent _better_ than he had in days. Morgan was again his ride home and helped him settle onto the couch. He was a bit disconcerted to realize his next chemo was a week away. Get him on his feet to blitz him. Unbelievable.

Friday and Saturday came and went. Finally he felt a little more alive. He'd survived thus far. Actually some of the constant aching had backed off. The fevers from every night were gone. He still had no appetite and his energy was still non-existent.

His personal definition of chemo : lifesaving, killer, frightening, powerful. Enemy and ally. The unbiased devourer everything in its path; good and bad. So this was what it was like to surrender to the unknown.

Yes he'd surrendered to a killer before, but right now that seemed like another lifetime ago. His friends could help save him then, now they could only watch. Watch as he dwindled to skin and bones. They could be there, loan him their strength, he could fight this insidious invader, but positive thoughts and hope could only go so far. He had to trust the doctor, trust the chemo to do its job, but most of all he had to trust Bittsy and his friends. Trust that they were right; that he could do it. Trust his "BFF". He smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

He was dreaming of Rossi. Rossi calling him from the darkness. "Reid, focus. You have to focus." He turned toward the voice, toward light.

"Reid." Rossi was beginning to worry. Reid was looking right at him but not answering. Then suddenly, Spencer blinked and seemed to recognize that Rossi was really there.

"Rossi?" He spoke, his tone one of confusion.

"Yes. Are you with me here? It's time for your meds. You need to get up and get moving; have something to eat."

With Rossi's help, Spencer sat up. Rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes, he adjusted his dark purple bandana and then looked at Rossi.

"I feel like I've been bald forever. You know when they say you're going to lose your hair, you don't realize they mean all of it? It's so weird to have hairless arms. And these bruises are weird. I have no idea how I got them." His tone was conversational, but his expression was mystified.

Rossi was used to seeing a myriad of expressions on Spencer's face, but not this face. Gaunt, pale, eyes sunk into purple bruised sockets, and the thick cap of hair replaced by a bandana or whatever unusual hat that Garcia declared was the hat of the day.

"Well, come on; let's see what's looking tasty in the 'more meat on his bones' potluck collection."

He and Rossi always were amazed by the sheer number of choices from elderly and available women. Of all the times to have what he knew was awesome homemade food available, it had to be the time in his life when eating was the least appealing activity. But, he knew also that eating was important and it seemed to be everyone else's top priority. So, he scanned his options and chose chicken noodle soup. While they ate, Rossi told Spencer about anything new at work and Spencer told him any interesting details about his day with Bittsy and Eleanor. His favorite part late afternoon shift were the "Rossi Rituals" he liked to call them was when Rossi talked about his teenage years and he and Spencer made a bucket list of things he had to do; things no young man should probably do, but according to Rossi, there were a few temptations in life he'd bypassed in pursuit of his academic career. He knew Rossi had made it his mission to "de-nerd" him. At the same time he knew Rossi liked him as he was; he just thought Spencer had missed out on some "carnal delights". Spencer was pretty sure Rossi had never missed out on any of those…

After the dinner shift ended it was evening shift, and that ranged from Morgan, Emily and Hotch or whoever was in town.

Morgan was the closest thing to having a brother that he could imagine. Insistent, bossy, but kind and strong. Strong for him; a fighter, for him. Unwavering and determined. When Morgan was on a roll, Spencer would remember one of Morgan's mottos; "Try not; do or do not". A Jedi in disguise.

Emily, was sensitive and perceptive and always gentle. More maternal than he would have imagined; her kindness a soothing balm in the turmoil of his thoughts.

Garcia was the overnight shift. Able to wake up at the slightest sound of Spencer moving, she was also a life line. A friend who could find the joy in life. The good in others, hope for the future; she was their very own hope for all that was probable, their faith for the impossible. She treated him with compassion and with a surprising no-nonsense side. She was a beacon in the dark; a blond, older version of Bittsy. She was the "love factor" of the team. As brilliant as she was crazy, he did love her and lord forbid should she ever lose herself to the dark.

JJ came over as often as she could. As always, sweet and practical. To her he poured out his struggles with his cancer. The hair, how he felt he looked hideous, his despair at his flagging energy and the fear of disappointing others, of abandoning his mom, of losing the chance of becoming a son again. To her alone he cried, and she held him. Could you have two girl BFFs?

Hotch was a surprise. Serious, supporting but with a hidden sense of humor. He wanted to learn magic tricks, and sometimes he even brought Jack and the three of them would color together. He'd never realized how much being a father meant to Hotch. He should have realized since Hotch was the one who brought up the subject of sperm banking before he began chemo therapy. He and Dr. Kim had already spoken about it and Hotch encouraged it and told him not to deny himself the possibility if the chemo rendered him sterile.

He tried not to compare his own father to Hotch. He tried to remember that his father couldn't bring himself to the point of confidence to hang in there. That Spencer was so frighteningly intelligent that it was daunting, that even worse; his son may have been the next target of a pedophile and killer and he hadn't see it.

When the team was out of town it was back to Bittsy's for a night of games or TV when they were tired. They both had their chemo on the same schedule so when one was sick, it seemed that the other was too. There were many times that Bittsy lay on a comforter in front of the couch and Spencer lay on the couch both of them facing the TV with Bittsy holding Spencer's hand. Those times they seemed to know what the other was thinking. Nausea and fatigue seemed to be a bonding experience Spencer said one day and Bittsy replied that they were already bonded; those things just sealed the deal.

Sometimes as they just lay there, Spencer longed for the energy to go do something, anything to be active again and then Bittsy would read his mind and they would make plans of all the things that they would do once they were well…


	21. Chapter 21

This is a very special chapter dedicated to a very special cancer survivor…

**Chapter 21**

Today was a special day. The day they had been planning. They were flying to New York to go to the Bronx Zoo. It was a game they had made up. She and Spencer had both written down places they wanted to go and placed slips of paper with those destinations in a jar. One destination was the Bronx Zoo.

They decided four days ago when they were both starting to feel better that they were going to go there before round number five of chemo. It didn't matter if they were tired; they had two days to try to see it all. It was Monday. They would fly today and have tomorrow, four hours Wednesday and leave that night, just to be back for chemo Thursday afternoon. They called, begged and pleaded, well Bittsy had called begged pleaded to both Janice and Jennifer to let them take their chemo at a later time on Thursday. How they figured to do it, Spencer said he didn't want to know. Eleanor didn't know what Bittsy had done until Natty, the receptionist called to tell Bittsy that Thursday's chemo was a go for two pm. Eleanor didn't know whether to give Bittsy a high five or ground her.

So they landed at the airport and drove a rental car to their hotel. Bittsy had planned out as many details as she could down to wearing matching purple bandanas. Spencer signed in for his reservations while Eleanor signed in for their room. When she was done, one the clerks at the desk stopped them for a moment. Her name tag said Cindy. She smiled at Spencer and Bittsy and asked Bittsy how far along she was in her chemo.

Bittsy, her mind on the trip and not thinking how obvious it was asked Cindy, "How did you know?"

Cindy smiled and indicated toward her bandana and said, "Been there, done that. I had a brain tumor when I was twelve and lost all my hair."

Bittsy's face was ablaze with and expression of awe and wonder. "Is your name Cindy?" Cindy nodded. "How old are you now?" She asked.

"I'm twenty nine now. How old are you?" She smiled at Bittsy.

"I'm eight! I'm Bittsy, this is Spence, and this is my mom. Spence and I both take chemo right now. I've had chemo before but this is Spence's first time. It's up to me to teach him." Bittsy explained. Both Spencer and Eleanor said hello.

"Well if you've done this before than you're just the one for the job!" She winked at Bittsy.

"Wow." Said Spencer. "Seventeen years ago. That's awesome." The respect in his voice was obvious.

"Anyone who has cancer belongs to a special club, don't they Cindy?" Bittsy beamed. "That's what my nurse and doctor say." She explained

"Well, they're right." Cindy agreed. Bittsy held up her hand for a high five and Cindy obliged.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" Bittsy asked, "Because we're going to the Bronx Zoo."

"Yes, I'm here until five, so maybe I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay Cindy!"

Cindy smiled at the three as she went back to sign in another guest.

On their way to the elevator, Eleanor took Bittsy's hand and laughed. "You just make friends wherever you go don'tcha BamBam?"

Bittsy smiled back at her mother as she grabbed Spencer's hand and they stepped into the elevator. "Of course! What's not to love?"

So far the trip was a success all around. Spencer and Bittsy were both tired, but they stayed up as late as they could in the hotel playing card games and watching old movies with Eleanor and then Spencer went to his room. Bittsy fell in love with the movie "The Sound of Music" and Spencer even had to agree that Maria and Captain Von Trapp made a "cool couple".

The next night, after the zoo they went to dinner; and just as Bittsy had planned, they all dressed up. Spencer, in a suit and tie, Eleanor and Bittsy in dresses with shoes to match and the most important part to Bittsy, she wore a beautiful hat with feathers while Spencer wore a fedora style hat. Both were hats that Garcia had gotten on one of the "girl's" hat shopping adventures.

Wednesday, they finished up at the zoo and headed back to the airport to fly home. All the way home they talked about the animals while Spencer expounded on the fascinating facts about the different animals. When Spencer went to bed that night he thought about the things he knew about the animals and marveled that the facts weren't just stored in his massive intellect, but cemented in his heart because he had seen them up close with Bittsy, the girl who made every experience an adventure; a girl after his mom's heart.


	22. Chapter 22

I'm glad that many enjoyed Spencer, Bittsy and Eleanor's adventure!

This chapter may seem dramatic but can really happen. Thankfully it doesn't happen very often or to this extent.

I was perusing the web and found website with ribbon information. It is not "national or official" ribbon website, (I don't think there is one), but it sounds like they research and confirm the ribbon colors. If you want that specific address, please e-mail.

This is not an endorsement of any website.

**Chapter 22**

Treatment number five was awful. He threw up off and on for three days, his meds only taking the slightest edge off. He couldn't even make it over to Bittsy's. As a BFF, she checked up on him twice a day and promised she wasn't "puking her insides up" as bad as him. He was in pain and could barely stagger to the bathroom at times. He knew he looked as bad as he felt and he was scaring his friends. He now had one of them there all day to get over this hump. Morgan took him two days in a row to get IV fluids at the doctor's office and he gave in to riding from the parking lot to the inside in a wheel chair. He was so pale and thin he wouldn't look in the mirror. He began to wonder if he'd ever recover. He was frightened that the doctor would say they had to delay or even stop at five treatments which would affect his chances for remission.

Finally after five days when he could walk across the street, he went to visit Bittsy. They both ate plain noodles, applesauce and had milk for some form of protein. They compared "puking" and again dreamt of things they would do when they were well.

_**2 Days Later:**_

He was at Bittsy's when it happened. First a drop, then a trickle and then a heavy nose bleed. He immediately knew why; it was day number seven after treatment and his platelets were dangerously low. That didn't stop him from panicking. He tried to stay as calm as possible as the amount of blood he was hemorrhaging grew. Bittsy was terrified; calling for her mother and clinging to his bloody hand. He remembered thinking that she shouldn't see this and trying leave as Eleanor called 911.

Eleanor had been in the kitchen when he heard Bittsy cry for her. She knew by the tone of that cry something was wrong and once she saw Spencer bleeding and holding his saturated shirt to his nose, she ran to grab towels. She tried having him pinch the bridge of his nose and with the blood running down the back of his throat; he began to vomit blood forcefully. Bittsy grabbed his hand and started crying and Spencer was trying to leave while she was calling 911. He didn't even make two steps before sinking to his knees and falling to his side.

When 911 arrived, Bittsy was still holding Spencer's hand and the living room rug was saturated with blood. Eleanor was in tears. The paramedics ordered Eleanor to move Bittsy who started screaming that Spencer needed her. They worked quickly establishing IV's and checking his vital signs. By now Spencer was more alert coughing and trying to talk, though his nose continued bleed at an alarming rate. As the ambulance pulled away, Eleanor was already calling Morgan.

Morgan arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes after Spencer. A doctor came to speak with Morgan just as JJ arrived. The rest of the team was waiting to hear from him. The doctor asked questions about Spencer's health and the last treatment and explained that Spencer's platelet count was below 10,000 and a normal platelet count was above 150,000. He explained that Spencer was already receiving a transfusion of red blood cells and platelets and they had the nose bleed under control.

"This nose bleed was life threatening. He's fortunate to be alive. Dr. Kim is on her way. The chemo has really affected his bone marrow production, and that's why his platelets are so low. His white blood cell count is also low, but not critical. He's on the ventilator because he was intubated in the ambulance so that he wouldn't aspirate blood. The blood he was vomiting appears to be from the nose bleed, not any gastrointestinal bleeding. We'll be sending him to intensive care. He's oriented, but extremely weak. I anticipate that he'll be alright, but this is a very serious situation. Once he's more responsive and his platelet count is above 30,000, Dr. Kim will probably extubate him."

"Can we see him?" JJ asked.

"For a couple of minutes, and you need to know that it was a pretty bloody ordeal. Come with me."

And they followed him in to see Spencer. The doctor wasn't lying when he said it was a bloody mess. Spencer had blood on his chest, head, neck, face, hands; his clothes were saturated and thrown into a corner, the floor was smudged and there was bloody gauze all around. Morgan and JJ went to his side. He was on the gurney with his head elevated a little and the nurses were just putting a clean gown on him. Despite the mess, his eyes wearily tracked them both and it seemed that he knew who they were as he gave them a small wave without raising anything except his fingers.

"Spence, we're here. They said you're gonna be okay." JJ said.

"Kid, Bittsy and her mom are shook up, but they're on their way to see you. Bittsy was hysterical when they took you away, so we're gonna see if they'll let her in for a minute once you're cleaned up and in a room." Morgan explained.

He held Morgan's gaze and blinked, then he held JJ's gaze and nodded his head very slightly before closing his eyes.

They were allowed to see him over two hours later. By then he had been cleaned up and was no longer on the ventilator. He had an oxygen mask and monitors for his heart, blood pressure and oxygen level and to Morgan's experienced eye, all the numbers were within acceptable parameters. He was still receiving a transfusion of red blood cells. He was awake and aware, able to converse.

"Hey Reid." Hotch and JJ were there as well.

"Hi." His voice was a weak whisper.

"Are you up to seeing Eleanor and Bittsy?" JJ asked.

"Yes. Please." He answered and JJ left to get them.

Hotch didn't know what to say. He had seen the bloody floor at Eleanor and Bittsy's place.

JJ was back with them and Bittsy approached Spencer slowly.

"Hey." He whispered.

Bittsy took Eleanor's hand and stepped up to Spencer's bed.

"Spence, are you okay? That was a lot of blood."

"I know and I'm sorry." His voice remained rough and quiet.

"Why are you sorry? Mom says it wasn't your fault."

"You're right, but I'm sorry if I scared you."

"Don't be sorry, just don't die! We're gonna get better!" She grabbed his arm and burying her head against it, she was crying quietly.

"BamBam, I'm not gonna die. They gave me a whole bunch of platelets to fix this." He explained but he had tears running down his cheeks as well. Eleanor was looking away trying not to cry.

Bittsy looked up and wiped her tears away. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out a lavender bandana and handed it to Spencer.

"I brought you this. Yours got left at our house. You can have mine. Did you know that lavender ribbons stand for Hodgkin's Lymphoma?"

"No, I didn't know that. Can you help me put it on?" He asked her.

As she was helping him tie the bandana on she reminded him, "You're my BFF."

"I know; I won't screw it up."


	23. Chapter 23

To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. - RobertaFlack

**Chapter 23**

The next day was exhausting. The generalized aching was bad enough, but he'd had a bone marrow biopsy early that morning. Emily had been there and held his hand. It was so much worse than the last time. His resources for dealing with pain were so depleted; if Emily wasn't with him he might have begged for narcotics. His entire body was screaming in pain and the best he could do was acetaminophen. Not even ibuprofen because of the small chance it could affect his platelets.

This was beyond sucking; this was hell and he was suddenly angry as hell. He loved his friends but they had no clue what it was like every day to wait; to be sick or not, to have toxic chemicals in his blood stream, to have burning pain in his IV when they injected the Adriamycin, to worry about side effects like lung toxicity, nerve damage in his hands and feet, decreased blood counts to the point of life threatening, to be bald,emaciated and ugly and not once had anyone said "You're in pain, worry about addiction later! Just take something so you're not in pain anymore! Don't suffer like this!" They all trusted the judgment of a genius. Well, he was feeling pretty stupid for thinking he could do this.

And the all-consuming fear he'd faced at the beginning; what if the chemo wasn't really working and they weren't telling him? What if all this was for nothing? Statistics had two sides and what if he ended up on the "Unsuccessful" side. What kind of word was that anyway? Unsuccessful? How about, failed, ineffective, unproductive; how about dead. Add on what a disappointment for he was for giving up…

As suddenly as it had descended, the anger was gone. In pain, he broke out in heavy sobs.

"Spencer what's wrong?" Emily was at his side trying to take his hand. He yanked it away.

He was crying so hard he could hardly breathe and he gasped out, "Just go, go away! I don't need your help! I'm just gonna screw it up anyway! I'm gonna die and I don't know how to stop it! This is killing me! God, Emily! Please don't let it kill me!" By now he was so out of control he was pushing Emily away.

Emily was crying now, begging Spencer to let her help him. She grabbed hold of his hand and he grabbed her hand back and was squeezing so tightly she thought he would break it. Two nurses arrived and Emily was frightened they would try to remove her but they worked around her.

"Spencer! Listen, breathe, calm down, it's going to be alright." One nurse left and the other nurse stayed and kept up the soothing litany. Slowly the sobs lessened to shuddering breaths while Spencer apologized over and over.

Finally Emily sat down of the edge of his bed and leaning forward, she pulled him into her arms. Immediately his arms wrapped around her and she could feel the sobs starting up again so she began to rock him and whispered over and over that it was okay.

"I'm sorry Emily. I can't do it anymore. It hurts; this is going to kill me." His sobs lessened again.

"No it's not Spencer, you're getting better. The cancer is getting better." She soothed.

"No, the chemo! It's going to kill me!" He pulled back and lay down and looked into her in the eyes. Her deep brown eyes, his surrounded with deep purple bruises, reddened with petechial hemorrhage, his arms purple with bruises, stick thin.

She took his hands. "I won't let it. I promise. You're the strongest man I know. I know you're in pain. You don't have to suffer like this. Let them treat the pain, Spencer. It doesn't have to be like this."

"I'm so scared, Emily. I'm not strong enough. I can't give in. Don't let me, please!" He pleaded, struggling to sit up.

"Okay, okay. It's okay. I won't unless you tell me, okay?" She pulled him up and into her arms.

His arms too weak to wrap around her, he laid his head on her shoulder and whispered, "Thank you," over and over.

The nurse unobtrusively, assessed Spencer and nodded discreetly to Emily to let her know Spencer was okay and then quietly left the room.

"Now rest." Emily whispered as she adjusted his pillow and helped him lie back down.

Exhausted, he acquiesced and lie back. He held her gaze as he implored, "Don't tell Bittsy I thought about giving up."

"Spencer, you'll never give up, you just need to give yourself permission to let go and let it out sometimes. There's no shame in that. I'm so proud to be your friend and so is Bittsy."

"Emily, there is so much good in her and in Eleanor. They love without reservation. How can they go through this? Twice?" His expression was that of bewilderment.

"Because genuine love doesn't remain inside us. It's meant to be shared. There is a quote by Jean Anouilh Ardele, do you know it?" She asked him.

He shook his head no.

"'Love is above all the gift of oneself'. Bittsy and Eleanor's love is a gift. The love of a child is a gift that teaches, and Spencer you are the best student I know."

His lips turned up at the corners slightly and he grabbed her sleeve. "You're a good teacher too, Emily. Thank you."


	24. Chapter 24

Hi guys! Short chapter…got a dog in the hospital Maybe tomorrow, but more likely Monday. Have a great weekend all!

**Chapter 24**

"There's no place like home." Spencer thought as he lay down on his couch. He ended up with a four day stay at the hospital due to his latest complication and finally his blood cell counts were stable and actually in the range of acceptable. He still had no appetite but he had been able to eat. Bland hospital food had its merits since heavier, spicy or greasy foods were impossible to consume.

This time it was Garcia who'd brought him home. After he'd eaten and had a nap she insisted on going for a drive. It was late May and the day was sunny and warm; a perfect day to take a ride in "Esther", her convertible. She found the way to streets and roads that were wide open and the scenery was so very alive. They eventually found their way to Potomac Park. They walked some of the park together and made stops for Spencer. On a bench as they taking in the sun, Spencer tipped his head back and closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing fresh air.

"Do you know why we're here?" Garcia asked.

"Because you drove us here?" Spencer queried back, leaving his eyes closed.

"Very funny genius. We're here because you need to see something good; something alive. The world is still out there even if it feels like it doesn't exist outside your bubble." Garcia leaned her head back and closed her eyes also.

"How'd you know?" He asked as they continued their conversation while basking in the sun.

"Because although I am not a profiler wonder mind, I am very observant and able to deduce that you have been sucked up into the world of medicine, med speak, procedures and numbers that should never be associated with you my fine friend. But the conundrum would be that you live by numbers, statistics and facts. You need to walk away from the numbers and immerse yourself in the other side."

"Rossi would call that world 'carnal'." Spencer chuckled

"I was actually thinking about the unquantifiable." She said smugly.

"That's the stuff that scares me Garcia."

"I know. That's why you're here with me experiencing the unquantifiable magic that is Garcia."

He realized then that he didn't care what they talked about, just as long as it wasn't cancer. It may try to take his life, but it couldn't take his _life._

Later that evening at Spencer's, Bittsy and Spencer were playing chess while Eleanor and Emily were talking in the kitchen. Out of the blue Bittsy asked,

"Do you think about dying?" She asked solemnly.

"I did sometimes because of what I see and do in my job."

"I think about it sometimes. I worry." She said moving her knight

"Do you worry about dying?" He asked countering her move.

"No, I worry about my mom. She says I'm a worrier by nature. I worry about leaving her alone and how sad she would be." They continued playing keeping their eyes on the board while conversing.

"I understand that a little." He said almost in a whisper

"Because of your mom?" Bittsy said quietly.

"Yes. She doesn't have anyone else." He moved his rook.

"I guess my mom has Nanny."

"But that's not the same. Nothing or anyone could ever replace you." He stopped an caught her eyes to make sure she understood.

"I know. It's just that she shouldn't have to outlive me. I overheard some people talking one day at the doctor's office. They said a parent should never outlive their child. Have you ever seen that happen?"

"Yes I have, and it is very hard, but sometimes that's what happens."

"Spence, you said once that Hotch was a lawyer, right?" They went back to playing.

"Yes, he was before he came to work for the FBI."

"The lawyers my mom used to work for made wills. Do you think he'd help me?" She caught a piece.

"If you wanted him to, yes. He would."

"I think I do, just in case."

"I'll tell him, if you want." Spencer removed her piece.

"Yeah. Just in case I'm the one who screws it up." She moved a piece evasively.

"If I can't, you can't." He countered her move.

"Ok, I won't. You either. I can't do this without your help, and you need me. Pinky swear?" She extended her pinky.

He looked at her pinky, confused. "Tell me you know how to pinky swear."

"Um…no. Sorry, is this a BFF thing?" he asked.

"Yeah, duh. Put your pinky out like this." She showed him.

When he copied her movement, she reached over and hooked his pinky.

He smiled. "Guess there's still a lot you have to teach me."

She smiled back. "Guess so oh scholarly one."


	25. Chapter 25

This chapter is dedicated to all the parents with chronically ill children and their bravery. A task no one is ever "up to".

**Chapter 25**

Spencer felt like a kid. A kid that made a birthday present and couldn't wait for the parent to open it.

He and Bittsy had a surprise planned for Eleanor. They were both feeling well enough and everything was set. JJ was coming over to stay with them while Rossi and Emily were taking her out to dinner and a jazz club. After talking with the team, considering how close they had become with Eleanor and Bittsy, they were eager to help.

_Later at a quiet jazz club:_

They had eaten at a very nice restaurant and were now at the jazz club. It was the kind of club that the jazz was smooth and permeated the air, yet the volume allowed patrons to converse. As Emily and Eleanor sipped wine, Rossi sipped excellent scotch and they chatted about general things before the conversation steered back to Bittsy and Spencer.

"This is such a surprise. I haven't been away from Bittsy for two months. She and Spencer were so excited to surprise me. I'm glad to see them so animated." Eleanor smiled at Emily and Rossi.

"Well, we were more than happy to help when they asked. I can't think of anyone more deserving of a night to recharge." Emily smiled gently.

Eleanor looked down as her eyes suddenly filled with tears.

"What's wrong?" Emily put her hand on Eleanor's arm.

Eleanor still couldn't look up. "I am so grateful to you both and the two of them, but it's not selflessness like you think. I'm afraid to be away because I don't want to miss a moment, because what if I lose her? She's my world, especially since her dad died. So you see, it's not because I'm selfless, it's because I'm selfish. All I can think about is what will_ I_ do if her treatments don't work. She is everything to me and sometimes I think she's going through hell because_ I_ want her to live at all costs. I don't deserve anything at all."

"You see, that's where you're wrong. She is the world to you, but you're not forcing her to live for you. Do you want to know how I know that Eleanor?" Rossi asked.

"Yes. How do you know I'm not a monster?" She finally looked up, a single tear rolling down one cheek.

"Because you would die for her. You would give your life so that she could live and grow up, and you would die to ensure her happiness and health. If you could take this yourself you would. I know this. You love her more than your own life. You are every loving parent out there with the same dream for their child, but your circumstances are the worst kind. You're not forcing her to suffer; you're helping her fight for her life, so that one day, maybe when she's a mother, she can help _her_ daughter reach _her_ dreams. Eleanor, if you give up, so will she. You're not a monster; you're a mother and you're human."

Eleanor sniffed and wiped her eyes. "So much for an evening of pleasant conversation."

"This was never about the perfect evening or pleasant conversation; this is about you what you need. You spend every day taking care of your daughter, taking care of Spencer, what do you need, Eleanor?" Emily asked.

Surprisingly she laughed while wiping her eyes dry. "Spencer is the best thing that's happened to us. He's so kind to Bittsy; he's the brother she never had and the confidant she's needed. She trusts him to tell her the truth. He teaches her so much and yet, lets her be herself. You see, she's always been incredibly intelligent and other children and even teachers don't know how to deal with her. Then, since she's been sick, her experiences, her perceptions and mannerisms have set her apart even more. He knows how to talk with her, how to listen. He takes her seriously, but he also teases her, like a big brother, but doesn't belittle her when he does. He's polite and respectful to me, he sees when I need a moment and makes sure I have it. He always insists on paying for things and helps me clean up whenever he can. He and Bittsy do "chores" together and "cook" together for me. I don't take care of Spencer. I just help when he needs help, and when he can, he does the same. He's a good man and my daughter's BFF, and I don't think that'll change even when he's well." She paused briefly. "This last time when he was bleeding, I thought he was going to die and I was afraid. Afraid of what we would go through, afraid of what it would do to Bittsy especially."

"You and Bittsy mean the world to him and we're so glad he has you both. We used to be so worried when no one could be here and now we know he's with someone who cares about him like we do; like family." Emily said softly.

"Well, I'm glad Bittsy found him and dragged him into our family. She's a pretty persuasive force." Eleanor said.

"I think she's a pretty strong woman. Like her mom." Rossi said.

"I've had to be since Charles died. He was in the Marines. He died in the Middle East as a Lieutenant Colonel when Bittsy was two. I went back to work as a paralegal until we found out she had cancer. Then I realized all those rainy days you save up for were here. With the life insurance from the military and a civilian policy, and our benefits, financially we've been very fortunate." She explained and then continued.

"When she finished her first treatment a little over a year ago, it was stage 2. When it came back she was diagnosed with stage 3B. Her Hodgkin's is very aggressive. She finished low dose radiation therapy before starting chemo. With recurrent Hodgkin's and the chemo and radiation treatments she's had, there's a strong possibility she could be sterile. _That_ was one of the worst conversations we've had with Dr. Kim. At least for me. Bittsy just seems to accept all this, but I know she talks to Spencer and tells him how she feels. Sometimes I want a Spencer."

Rossi smiled at this.

"Well, he does come complete with the entire Encyclopedia Britannica in his head…"

When the evening came to an end, they got back to Eleanor's, Bittsy was asleep in her bed and Spencer was asleep on the couch while JJ read a book. Spencer woke up when JJ put her hand on his forehead.

"Spence? Eleanor's here. I'll take you home." He got up slowly and smiled.

"Have fun?" He asked shyly.

"A great time. You guys?" She indicated JJ, Spencer and Bittsy's room.

"He's teaching Bittsy poker." JJ interrupted.

"Well, she's gifted with the ability to alter her affect and…"

JJ interrupted again, "He means she can bluff."

"Well she can." He grinned.

"Mom! Did you have fun?" Bittsy asked from the hallway, itching her bald scalp as she yawned.

"Yes I did BamBam. You and Spence really surprised me. That was very sweet. I kept looking for macaroni and cheese on the menu though." She smiled.

"Mom, you look way too pretty to eat macaroni and cheese." She walked to her mom and put her arms around Eleanor's waist. "You look pretty too Emily." She said twisting toward Emily.

"Thank you for helping, Dave." Bittsy said.

The older agent went over and crouched down in front Bittsy. "Glad to help Kiddo. Thanks for letting us in on your plan."

She threw her arms around his neck. Dave gave her a hug back and stood back up. "You're cool Dave." She said.

He winked at her. "So are you BamBam. So are you."

Spencer walked JJ to her car.

"Thanks for staying with us tonight JJ. I know it wasn't easy."

"You're welcome. I was glad to help. I just don't know if I'll ever be the same after watching Hotch help an eight year old write her will and promise to act as her executor." JJ paused. "Why didn't she ask you to be the executor? You two are so close."

"Because she knows I could die too." Spencer said.

"Don't you dare even think of giving up Spence." She implored.

"I'm not thinking of giving up JJ, but as I'm learning, it's not all up to me. And if I die it won't be because I didn't try hard enough. Promise."

With that he kissed her forehead, opened her car door and told her to tell Will hello and kiss Henry for him. As she pulled away, he slowly walked toward home and tried to avoid thinking about his upcoming treatment.


	26. Chapter 26

This chapter is dedicated to a special woman fighting a courageous battle with cancer under very difficult circumstances. It is on her behalf that Locks of Love is mentioned. Locks of love is a real organization that accepts hair donations of 10 inches or more and creates wigs for disadvantaged children 21 years of age and under suffering hair loss due to medical therapy related to _any_ diagnosis. Their website is easy to find. It is estimated that 80% of donations come from children who wish to help other children.

This is not an endorsement of any organization.

**Chapter 26**

It was like a holiday the Tuesday before their sixth treatment which was on Thursday. Even Nanny was there. It was a picnic at Rossi's. Everyone brought food, there was a poker tournament and Bittsy actually won a hand. It was a celebration for all but Spencer and Bittsy. They were putting up a good front, but being with a team of profilers, it was impossible to hide.

He and Bittsy got together and played a game of chess while taking a break from the poker rotation. They managed to have a moment to talk while playing.

"Spence? Do they know we're not in remission yet?" She leaned forward asking him quietly.

"They know. What they're celebrating is the last round of chemo and the end of suffering when this treatment is over." He moved his pawn.

"My Hodgkin's was gone for almost a year when it came back. They said that makes chances worse for it to be cured." She moved a pawn.

"I know. We have to believe it's gone this time." He continued his strategy.

"Spence I don't want to be sick anymore." She was able to movie a piece from behind her pawn line.

"You're not gonna be." He continued advancing pawns and moving pieces out.

"How do you know?" She stopped playing and held his gaze.

"I'm ignoring facts and partaking in faith. Someone taught me that faith is the beginning of wisdom." He didn't look away.

"Who taught you that? Was it your friend Jason?" She asked

"No. It was an eight year old wearing a beanie hat." He smiled.

"Me?" She beamed.

"Yes, you BamBam. I just didn't understand it at first."

They went back to their game.

After a while she shyly asked, "You still need my help though, don't you?"

"Yep. And you still need mine. At least for chess. Checkmate." He held up her king.

Despite it all, Tuesday was a fun day. Much better than today. The anticipation was thick in the air. The thought of the next day was almost overwhelming. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. It felt like his entire future depended on tomorrow's treatment. Four to six weeks after this treatment they would decide if he was in remission. Remission. The most powerful word in his expansive vocabulary. And he was afraid to even say it because it wasn't his yet.

He stayed home while Bittsy had a mother/daughter day with Eleanor. He'd told the team that he wanted to be alone. He was too on edge. The fear and hope were almost immobilizing.

He was surprised by a knock at his door at eight that night. He knew the team had just finished a quick consultation in DC.

He unlocked the dead bolt and opened the door. "Hotch." He said, surprised.

"Reid." He said and held Spencer's gaze.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" Spencer's eyes got a little bit wider.

"Everything and everyone is fine." Hotch reassured.

"Oh. Good." His expression relaxed.

"Can I come in?" Hotch asked.

"Oh, gosh yes. Sorry. Come in." He moved back to let Hotch in and closed the door behind them.

"Do you want anything to drink? Come to think of it, have you had dinner? I have leftovers from Tuesday's picnic." He offered as they moved from the hallway into the front room.

"No Reid. I just came to check on you. This has got to be a tense day." Hotch rested his elbows on his knees as he took the seat Spencer offered.

"How'd you know?" He asked, interested to hear the answer.

"Not too hard to figure out. This is your last treatment before you find out if you're in remission." Hotch held his gaze.

"Hotch, I won't know for another six weeks." He kept his gaze steady.

"True, but still, it probably feels like it all hinges on this treatment."

Finally Spencer had to look away. "Yeah I guess it does."

"Actually I came to see if you wanted to go get something to eat." Hotch's tone deliberately moved from serious to casual.

"That's nice of you, but eating the night before treatment is usually a mistake." Spencer answered, deliberately lighthearted in tone.

"Spencer, how have you made it through this?" Hotch asked, back to a more serious demeanor.

"My friends and family wouldn't let me give up." Spencer said proudly, with his head up, looking Hotch in the eye to convey his gratitude.

"You know you still can remain on leave as long as you need to."

"It's strange; I haven't missed work that much." Spencer said with the smallest amount of wonder.

"Well, you've had to focus on your survival. That's had to be your priority. That and a 'long term girlfriend' will keep you pretty occupied." He smiled.

"I've never had a relationship like this. I have a mother, the team is like family, but I've never been a big brother before or an eldest son." His expression pleased yet perplexed.

"You've been through a lot, but you've learned a lot too." Hotch regarded Spencer with a mildly proud expression

"Yeah I have. Lots of it good." Spencer agreed.

"I know that I have stopped by tonight, even though you asked to be alone, but I really wanted you to know as your friend and your boss, I'm proud of you." Hotch explained.

"That means a lot to me Hotch. More than you know."

Morgan brought him to treatment. The team had stopped in before and he and Bittsy arrived and hung a large banner with the number six on it. The entire team as well as Nanny was there wearing hats and bandanas and the nurses were clapping.

One of the most interesting things was that both Spencer and Bittsy's nurses; Janice and Jennifer, had new short hairstyles. They presented Bittsy with a necklace from "Locks of Love". Rossi and Morgan had never heard of the organization so Jennifer explained to them that the organization took hair donations and made wigs for disadvantaged children who couldn't afford a wig and that they had both donated their hair in Bittsy's name.

Bittsy hugged Jennifer and Janice because she knew how much losing hair was painful to little girls and how much it would help them. "Sometime soon, some little girls will be wearing your beautiful hair!" She smiled joyously at them.

Once they got the treatment underway the team left and not long after that Spencer started vomiting. Janice had explained several treatments ago that it was not uncommon for the vomiting to start sooner with successive treatments. Since Spencer hadn't eaten the day before there was virtually nothing to expel, but his body kept trying. Janice had paged Dr. Kim to get an order for additional medication in addition to his anti-emetics. Morgan was there waiting with a cool washcloth and his I-Pod therapeutic music. Finally the retching stopped. Spencer wasn't able to contain quiet moans of pain. Sweat beaded his forehead, his head was pounding and all of his ribcage muscles were in spasm.

Bittsy asked if they would move her recliner next to Spencer's, and after some rearranging, both nurses could get to their patients and Bittsy could hold Spencer's hand.

Eleanor and Morgan's gazes landed on their interlocked fingers and each thought back over the months of this, inexplicable and unbreakable bond of two unique souls.

The next five days were torture for both Spencer and Bittsy.

Vomiting, pain and extreme fatigue for Spencer, manageable only with trips to the doctor's office for IV fluids and additional anti-nausea medication.

Bittsy ended up in the emergency room with dehydration and an excruciating headache that had her in tears. After she got home, everyone spent the night at Eleanor's because Bittsy demanded and begged to be with Spencer. Nanny shared the spare room with JJ and they dragged Bittsy's twin bed mattress next to the couch Spencer rested on. Both were weak and quiet but would talk softly between each other at times. No one knew what they were talking about and no one asked. Later both were asleep, Bittsy holding Spencer's hand.

The next three days, Spencer received medication to keep his white cell count above the critical level and on the third day a red blood cell transfusion. Hotch took him to the oncology unit of the hospital to receive the transfusion. By then at least he was able to keep liquids and soft food down. Being with Hotch kept him focused and determined because that was Hotch. Those were the moments when each team member's strengths became Spencer's.

By the eighth day the worst was over for the "chemo twins" as they were dubbed by Rossi and they spent the entire day sleeping and watching TV in Eleanor's living room. Once on the cuff of sleep Spencer even promised to buy Eleanor a new couch…


	27. Chapter 27

Hi all! Here's a chapter until Thursday or Friday. Life has smacked me upside the head and I have some things I HAVE to take care of. I'm still writing though! NurseJenn

**Chapter 27**

Spencer was on pins and needles. He was going over to Eleanor and Bittsy's, which wasn't unusual, but this time Eleanor had said there was something important they had to tell him. He was scared to death that they were going to tell him that Bittsy hadn't made it into remission. This was week number four and she had a bone marrow biopsy and CT scan two days ago. He'd been in Seattle for a week working on a serial killer case and hadn't been able to talk much with them until he arrived home this afternoon. That was when Eleanor asked him to come over, that there was something that they needed to tell him.

When he knocked and Eleanor let him in, she had a difficult time meeting his eyes and her voice was quiet. Bittsy sat on the living room couch waiting for him. He hesitantly walked over and sat next to her. As she looked up at him tears began running down an already tear stained face. He felt his eyes tear up and there was a lump in his throat he had to swallow around. He took a deep breath and focused his thoughts on her and resolved to be strong for her.

"Hey BamBam. What's wrong?" He sat next to her.

She sniffed and wiped away tears that kept flowing. He thought his heart just might stop.

She choked out something and threw herself into his arms.

He hugged her tight and asked her in a whisper, "Are you in remission?"

She hugged him even tighter and sobbed out, "Yes."

Tears just ran down his face onto her bucket hat and he tried to hold back the sobs and just couldn't.

Finally as the tears dwindled his mind processed what else she said.

"You're moving? When, where?" Bittsy stayed buried in his chest, so he looked over to Eleanor who had moved to sit beside Bittsy and was patting her gently on the back.

"At the end of next week. Mom is moving to Boston and we're moving with her. I know it's sudden but it's a good opportunity. There are plenty of jobs and I want the Children's Hospital Boston to follow Bittsy. This is her second remission."

Spencer was speechless, but nodded.

"I don't want to go, Spence. Who'll take care of you?" She whispered

Spencer internally took a deep breath and then lifted her chin with his index finger till she met his eyes.

"I'll take care of me, Bittsy-Girl. A bird has to leave the nest sometime. I'll miss you more than you can imagine, but I'll be alright."

"How can you be sure? You're not a bird. You don't even know if you're in remission."

"As long as I can call my BFF and visit, I'll be okay." He held up his pinky.

"Mom said her cell phone has unlimited long distance." She hooked his pinky with hers.

"Mine does too. And hey! There are so many things to do in Boston! You're gonna learn so many new things, and you'll go to school and make new friends there."

"Mom says I'll have hair by the time I start school." She smiled shyly.

"I've been reading up on hair re-growth after chemo and that sounds about right." He confirmed.

"Spence, I know we have to go with Nanny, but I want to wait until you're in remission."

For a moment Spencer couldn't speak. "BamBam; I will be. I'm sure of it. The most important thing to me right now is that you're in remission. You made it."

"You have to be in remission, then it's all good. Me and you; all the way." She grabbed both of his cheeks between her palms and locked eyes. He held her gaze and nodded.

Spencer took some personal time and he, Bittsy and Eleanor, as well as JJ and Henry went to the Pittsburg Zoo. They watched the baby sea lions learn to swim with their mothers, watched the polar bears and tigers and went to visit the National Aviary. Again he was amazed at how when he was with Bittsy, learning took on a life of its own. He was always amazed at her wisdom and percetion. He paid attention to experiencing life and living in the present; finally understanding what Gideon had tried to teach him about just enjoying the moment.

Before moving day, the team had had a party at Rossi's, this time with Dr. Kim, Jennifer and Janice stopping by. Everyone had gotten both Eleanor and Bittsy gifts, but Spencer got himself and Bittsy matching laptops. Each had Skype capabilities and he'd had Garcia set up an email account and gave each of them a crash course on getting started. This was the first time he'd had a personal email account since grad school; but she was worth it.

Moving day arrived. Movers had already come and moved all but the very immediate necessities. Now, with Morgan and Spencer's help, the back of the SUV was packed and Eleanor and Bittsy were ready to leave.

Spencer suddenly didn't know what to say, how to express how he felt. The awfulness of a love so strong; the separation was ripping his soul in two. The joy of uncomplicated love and trust, the purity found in the heart of a child, the sharing of an experience so powerful that the bond was unbreakable. The fear of loneliness where his heart had been full and now would be left with a hole.

Life was a cycle and it was true for Bittsy especially. But, how do you make yourself let go? He didn't want this to be just one more thing that he did because he had to. He owed her more than that. Bittsy, being Bittsy took the bull by the horns.

"I added myself as speed dial number eight. Garcia said that was okay and that you were much more than a man of mere habit. She made me promise to tell you that exactly."

He chuckled. "That's perfect."

"Like me?"

"Of course; what's not to love?" He smiled broadly.

"I don't want to say good bye Spence." Suddenly there were tears in the corner of her eyes and they filled the corners off his eyes to match and he wondered if the tears would ever dry up.

"Me either." His voice cracked.

"Mom said there is a camp for kids with cancer near Boston and I get to go. I'll be there next week and it's my birthday while I'm there. Will you call me on my birthday?"

"I promise!"

And after Morgan left he went to his bedroom and lie down on his back looking at the celling, but instead he saw Bittsy's future. Smiling green eyes, dimples and curly brown hair,

He just wasn't sure how he was going to settle in this new niche. His life had been filled with company for months and now it all seemed so quiet. He wondered if all he would have left were the worries that kept him occupied when he was alone.

It was Dr. Kim's first appointment of the day and Morgan insisted on bringing him. It was set up so that he'd had his CT scan the day before.

It felt like his muscles were twitching and his skin felt too tight. While he waited, the silence felt heavy with anticipation and dread.

At exactly eight o'clock Dr. Kim knocked, opened the door, and entered. She acknowledged them both and sat down.

"Spencer, there is no sign of the cancer. You are in remission." He felt the breath he was holding leave his body.

But before he has a chance to say anything, she said, "However, we still have some things to deal with."


	28. Chapter 28

Didn't mean to leave a cliff hanger. This is short, but the best I can do till maybe Saturday. There is a light at the end of the tunnel my friends! Thanks…NurseJenn

_Last Chapter:_

"Spencer, there is no sign of the cancer. You are in remission." He felt the breath he was holding leave his body.

But before he has a chance to say anything, she said, "However, we still have some things to deal with."

**Chapter 28**

"You've responded very well to chemotherapy. Your disease was in the early stages and we staged it at 2B by lymph node biopsy, a CT scan, a bone marrow biopsy and a PET scan. We confirmed that the cancer had spread beyond the lymph nodes in your neck and was in the lymph nodes in the chest region as well, but had not spread any further. You had symptoms including fatigue, weight loss, fevers, night sweats. If patients have no symptoms the staging is A, with symptoms, it is B. Currently your scan is clear meaning no lymph node involvement is detected." Morgan released a breath he'd been holding. Dr. Kim continued.

"You responded well to chemo and although you experienced serious side effects, we were able to treat those and you were able to complete your full six cycles without delay or reduction in the dosage administered. That was very important to increase your odds of remission. I am extremely pleased with the results and what we do at this point is follow up with appointments and tests to screen for recurrence. It is important that you continue with these appointments. I know that you _know_ these things that I am telling you, but it is vital that you _understand_. This disease responds very well to treatment, but understandably should there be any recurrence, we want to treat you as soon as possible. Don't skip appointments and if you experience any symptoms, call and be seen, even if you're not sure. Do you have any questions?"

She waited for him to respond and finally he nodded. "I understand."

"Now, that said, congratulations. You've faced some really rough moments with courage in your circumstances. I can't tell you how glad I am that Dr. Hogan referred you. I've learned a lot about profiling too! You're free to go, make your next appointment for one month." Dr. Kim stood.

Spencer and Morgan stood and Dr. Kim offered her hand first to Morgan.

"Thank you for supporting Spencer. It's been good to meet you Agent Morgan."

Then she took Spencer's hand and smiled kindly. "You're a good man Agent Reid and I'll see you in a month."

Spencer left the office with Morgan after making his appointment. He remained quiet and contemplative.

They picked up some takeout and by unspoken agreement, went to a park. They found a bench close enough to watch the children play.

"Talk to me kid. What's going on in that brain of yours?"

"I'm in remission, and while I feel a huge sense relief, I also feel this burden because it might come back; like the cancer is still holding me hostage." Spencer said quietly.

"Yes." Morgan answered, letting Spencer lead the conversation.

"And I miss Bittsy." He said quietly and continued, "Tomorrow is her birthday. I'm supposed to call her; I need to tell her I'm in in remission…but, it doesn't feel right to tell her that on the phone." He finished, looking at the playground while talking.

"Well genius, take tomorrow off and go tell her. Reid what's that sayin'? Carpe diem? Seize the day? You've learned that by now, right? Well, carpe diem it up to Massachusetts and see that pretty girlfriend of yours." Morgan suggested as if were the most common sense thing in the world.

"You know Morgan? You're right. I'm calling Hotch."

"You're right! Those are my favorite two words pretty boy!" Morgan smiled leaning back on the bench, hands behind his head looking satisfied.

"Well, it's actually three. I was using a contraction." Spencer told him with and amused smile

"You're back alright." Morgan continued to smile.


	29. Chapter 29

The final chapter is dedicated to a little girl named Ellie. Ellie passed away a little over a year ago from cancer. There is an inspirational website in her memory called Lift Up Ellie and Wtiger5 and asked that any interested notify her by profile if you would like to be directed to that site.

This chapter is also dedicated to those who have taken this journey with me. Many have written to tell me about cancer fighters and by doing so have inspired me. You all have inspired, challenged me, given me great ideas and kept me on my toes! Thank you all!

I hope the ending is like a dessert after a satisfying meal! Let me know, I'm curious…

**Chapter 29**

The drive was great as he made his way to "Dream Day on Cape Cod", a camp for seriously ill children and their families. He realized again how much his life had changed. Taking a Thursday and Friday off on a whim, and making a ten hour drive to Brewster Massachusetts to see his eight year old BFF and her family at a camp of children battling different diseases, on her ninth birthday, to tell her in person that he was in remission.

He'd called Hotch and told him that he urgently needed to leave town, that he he'd be back Sunday night, and Hotch had told him that there was nothing that required any immediate attention. He drove a rental vehicle that made better mileage than his classic and didn't turn the radio on. He was in an introspective mood and was comfortable in the silence with his thoughts.

The last two hours he drove with his window down because he was so tired. His energy level was nowhere near normal yet. He'd returned to work part time and was able to work on desk work for a few hours daily, and when he went to Seattle he tolerated that with a nap at the hotel each day. He knew they were making an exception for him in the field, but he was grateful to be with the team, fulfilling his role once again.

Garcia and Emily's goal in life was to feed him. His appetite was back; lagging a little, but steadily improving. His hair was just starting to regrow and felt soft on his scalp and arms. He had no idea what the color or texture would be when it was a normal length, or how thick his eyebrows or eyelashes would grow back. He thought he might be back to shaving the next week. All in all, work and life eventually would be back to normal, but right he now understood the seductive nature of family, and soon he would be with the newest members.

The camp was beautiful, but the most beautiful thing about it was all the children and their families running or involved in activities. Eleanor promised him she would be in the lodge so he parked the car and carefully moved past the windows avoiding detection. When he opened the door, she was facing away, on her computer. He quietly walked up behind her. Leaning over he saw what she was working on.

"You can't believe I'd forget your birthday would you?"

She spun around and jumped up and wrapped her arms around him.

"Spence! I should have known!"

He hugged her back. "Nice email! Have a little faith my BFF. Happy ninth birthday!"

Bittsy let go and grabbed his hands. "Come on! Come see Mom and Nanny!"

As they walked toward the cabins, Bittsy pointed out various friends and activities. As she pointed out friends she gathered a following of two, one with hair, and one without. And they all clamored around Bittsy and Spencer. When she reached the door of her cabin, she introduced the two girls to Spencer. Juanita was a brown eyed Hispanic girl with no hair wearing a light pink hat, and Ellie was pale with green eyes and short blond hair.

"Guys, this is Spence, my best friend! He is the smartest, coolest guy in the world. He taught me to play chess and we've been to two zoos and he knows about all kinds of animals. He gave me my computer and came here for my birthday!" Effusively she went on, "Spencer and I went to every chemo together, we cut our hair together, and he puked and even bled in our apartment!"

"Wow!" said both girls at once. Evidently body fluids were impressive.

"This is the camp of the toughest girls in the world. We even have our own mottos." Bittsy explained to Spencer.

"In it to win it!" Ellie said.

"We can do it one treatment at a time!" Chimed Juanita.

"Mine is 'kicking cancer's butt with a smile'!" Bittsy said with the biggest smile he'd ever seen on her face, and as he looked at these girls he realized he was looking at hope.

With that, the other two girls smiled and went racing back to their activities while giggling. Spencer decided right then that if joy had a sound, that was it.

Then Eleanor and Nanny came out of the cabin to welcome him. After saying hello to them he remembered he needed to go to the car to get Bittsy's birthday present. Since she wanted to walk with him they talked about camp and about the team. They brought back her present to the cabin and she opened it excitedly. He'd given her chess software for her computer and software for the game "Go" as well as the actual board game and promised to teach her before he left. Her other birthday gift was that Eleanor and Nanny had invited him to stay tonight and tomorrow to participate in the camp activities with them. After that Bittsy took Spencer on a walk and they headed down to the water.

"Spence, why else did you come down here? You've got something important you're thinking about. I can always tell. What is it?"

"Well, it just felt wrong to tell you over the phone. Yesterday I found out I'm in remission."

She stopped in her tracks and jumping up into his arms, wrapping her little legs around his waist she tipped back her head and screamed, "Yeehaw!" as long and loud as she could.

Suddenly it hit Spencer. "I'm in remission! I made it Bittsy, I made it!" And he cried into her neck, because he felt alive and unafraid.

The next day was beautiful and for the first time since he was a child, Spencer painted. He painted weird shapes of animals and people. He gave several away to the kids. He was telling scary stories to the kids and teaching several what chess was while he and Bittsy demonstrated. 

Late the next morning, two SUV's pulled up to the lodge. Spencer was only half paying attention until he realized his entire team as well as Garcia and JJ had come all the way to see Bittsy and him. They each had two buckets of ice cream except Hotch who was carrying a big box. As they saw Spencer and Bittsy they made a circle around them.

"Reid, Morgan told us something, but we need to hear it from you." Rossi started.

Emily picked up where he left off "Something very important."

Spencer looked baffled. "I was driving to Massachusetts for Bittsy's birthday?"

"No, Spence. Something more important; as in a doctor's appointment on Wednesday?" JJ hinted.

"Oh! Morgan told you though, right?" Spencer was still puzzled, "I'm in remission."

"I told them the whole story kid, but they insisted we come because they wanna hear it from the man himself." Morgan explained.

In the meantime Bittsy was making the rounds hugging each member as they wished her a happy birthday.

"You guys came for my birthday!"

"Of course my sweet pea! That and to visit our charming genius." Garcia picked up the slim, elated girl.

"Did he tell you in he's remission? I knew he could do it! Yeehaw!" She crowed.

And JJ yanked Spencer into a tight hug and screamed, "Yeehaw!" as well.

By then then the rest of the team members gathered around and all started screaming at the top of their lungs, "Yeehaw!" and Juanita and Ellie ran to see what was going on. Without even knowing what the ruckus was about, the two little girls started shouting as well. Members of the team were also yelling, "Happy birthday BamBam!" Eleanor and Nanny walked up and joined the group and greeted all of the team members excitedly.

By now the yelling had attracted many of the campers and their families. Bittsy had climbed team member to team member and ended up sitting on Spencer's shoulders, and so above the crowd she started yelling and the attention quickly focused on her and she held her hands above her head in a victory sign and yelled,

"Everybody, Spencer's in remission, he did it! And then the crowd started clapping, and the children that had joined the crowd started cheering.

Eventually the crowd started to thin down and just their group was left including Juanita and Ellie and they made their way back up to Spencer and Bittsy. Spencer let Bittsy shimmy down his long torso and then the girls and Spencer all exchanged high fives.

Bittsy then asked, "Are you all gonna stay in our cabin?" and Morgan picked her up and put her on his broad shoulders, and tilting his head way back so that Bittsy could look into his eyes and he asked, "Are you gonna sleep on the floor so I can sleep on your bed?"

"No!" She giggled.

"Well then, I guess l'll stay in the hotel with the team." He said.

"Hey guys, are we ever gonna eat your ice cream?" Juanita asked.

Hotch and Emily picked up the two girls and put them up on their shoulders.

"Yeah guys, let's go open up the ice cream!" Hotch left the box he'd been carrying, and with an evil grin, started off at a jog toward the lodge. With a grin, Spencer started walking toward Bittsy's cabin.

"Don't wait for me; I'll be there in an hour or so." He called over his shoulder.

The rest of the team exchanged glances and Spencer said, "Don't worry, after all that I just need my nap." and they watched his slowly retreating back.

Morgan looked up at Bittsy. "Should we follow?" he asked.

Bittsy looked down at Morgan. "Nope, just me." She said.

With that Morgan helped her down and watched as Bittsy followed Spencer toward the cabin.

As Spencer sat down on the edge of his bunk, Bittsy stepped into the cabin. She walked over and sat with him on the edge as well.

"I'm okay BamBam, just tired and the crowd kind of got to me. I'm still not through being tired during the day yet." He explained.

"I know. Me too, it's just that there's so much to do here and I don't wanna miss anything!" She enthused.

"And I don't want you to either. I'm really okay, just tired." He reassured her.

"Everybody was really happy you're in remission. She said.

"Yeah they were; and they don't even know me." He looked at her and smiled, "That was nice."

"Of course they know you. You're one of us. In fact, you need a motto." She smiled back.

"Besides don't screw it up?" He laughed.

"Seriously Spence." And just like that she became his serious, in-charge, tough BFF, teaching him how to survive.

"How 'bout, 'you and me; all the way.'?" He said and held up his pinky.

Bittsy came to the lodge for ice cream, and so did all the children who could eat, and as many family members who wanted some. Then for all the children, they passed out FBI tee shirts. They'd brought a variety of sizes so all had something that they could wear, and they also passed out FBI ball caps. Each team member was touched by the strength and determination in their eyes. Bittsy was so overjoyed for all they did and the special love that they had for her, she sat in each of their laps and hugged them again. Eleanor and Nanny thanked the team, and thanked Hotch for letting Spencer spend time with them.

An hour later, Spencer did come to the lodge and his eyes were brighter and he was moving better. He ate enough ice cream to make JJ, Garcia and Emily happy, then he moved outside where most of the campers were blowing huge bubbles and he joined in.

"Looks like the Reid effect is a thing of the past." Rossi said out loud to the rest of the team while they watched Spencer laughing and helping others.

"Yes, it is." Hotch smiled quietly.

"Look at him." JJ said with a tender smile.

"All those kids. They're so beautiful, and he's so happy with them." Garcia said wistfully.

"Don't worry baby girl," Morgan said, "he still needs us, and he knows it."

For some reason at that moment, Spencer looked over at them and smiled. And then he was back playing with the other children, but always staying close to Bittsy.

Eleanor and Nanny had joined them and Eleanor said, "He helped save my daughter."

"And she helped save him." Emily said.

They watched all the bubbles floating and sparking in the sun and looked back to see Spencer and Bittsy laugh and high five each other, and as if they knew the team was thinking of them, they waved joyously.

And loud enough for their group to hear, Rossi summed it all up.

"And a little child shall lead him."

The End

There is nothing as determined as a child with cancer. They are not ignorant of the tough road ahead, but they are determined in spite of it. ~J.S. Lopez

Early detection is an important key in the role of defeating cancer. Because many different types of cancers have symptoms that mimic other physical ailments, knowing your body is key as is following age guidelines for cancer screenings.

Statistics supported by the NIH on the website of Medline Plus, a service of the US Library of Medicine NIH, National Institutes of Health.

Cardiac disease is the #1 killer of Americans: more that all cancers combined, but,

In ages 1-4 cancer is the third leading cause of death preceded by accidents and developmental and genetic conditions present at birth. 

Ages 5-15 cancer is the second leading cause of death preceded by accidents.

This is according to NIH, updated 2010.

Again, this is not an endorsement of any website.

Again, I own nothing related to Criminal Minds- just a fan.


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